Hour 1 Recap I'm switching to a new post because I can't page down quickly enough in Blogspot to update- this is Hour 2. Kicking off with...
9:00: Allison Iraheta, Last Girl Standing, singing with Cyndi Lauper. My head might explode!!! "Time After Time," and it is excellent.
9:03: Mrs. Allen, rocking the one-shoulder dress. How cute is she? Why do they always talk to the parents, and not, say, the spouse?
9:05: It's Gokey Time! Is he singing with Lionel Richie? He is! Lionel is trying to entice Gokey to dance, but it's better not to encourage him.
9:07: I read an article that said that Gokey had something like fifteen pairs of glasses when he started Idol, and now has fifty (or, a really high number) and that he totally wants a deal with LensCrafters. Aim high, Gokey!
9:08: Never heard that song before. They aren't picking very good Lionel Richie songs. These are lame, even for Gokey.
9:09: Reuben sighting!
9:14: It's Adam Time. He's been performing since he was 10. He has wowed America. But will he win?
9:15: Spear: I love this song and now it represents a D-bag.
Laura: Yes. I love it too. And I think Coldplay are D-bags.
Spear: I concur.
9:16: Spear: WTFFFFFFFFF?
Laura: I HAVE NO IDEA.
9:17: Spear: He's the angel of Glam.
9:17.30: KISS. Why am I not surprised? His whole tongue out/screaming/eye molestation schtick is straight from them.
9:19: You know how I know this song? It was played at every single IU home basketball game, so I had to learn the words. I-N-D-I-A-N-A.
9:20: THE SHOES. Will no one think of the children???
9:24: So we need a show called "Mental," when we already have a "Mentalist"?
9:25: Guitar Legend Carlos Santana. Not much to say about that. JT, Jr. Matt Giraud is singing with him.
9:27: So are all the other Idols, dressed in saucy Latin red. Adam's not. Way to be a rebel! Singing a Rob Thomas song. JORGE!!! Remember him? Kris is attempting a salsa. Nice try! A for effort! The group sing effort is pretty poor. It sounds like a high school choir...and not the good kids. The ones that needed a music credit to graduate.
9:29: Final Ford Pimp-spot. it's all artsy and stuff. It's a composite of the previous several week's shows. Whatever, it has Cutie Kris, so I will buy what they are selling. Hear that Mom?
9:30: David Cook has a huge surprise for Adam and Kris. I wonder what it will be??? Adam knows what is coming. Kris needs a new car so bad. You know he drives a beater at home.
9:30: STEVE MARTIN? Playing the BANJO? This show just got 100% more awesomer. This is the kind of music Sarver should be singing. Does anyone even remember him? Hint: He's the oil rig dude.
9:32: Let's see what Megan Joy does with this song. It's not 100% awesome. I just don't get where her voice fits in. Has anyone been watching Scrubs this season? They have this twee little ukelele player on there, with a kind of wacky voice, but it works for her. Maybe Megan/Joy/Corkrey should try a ukelele?
9:33: Steve Martin wrote that song? Seacrest: "Steve, who do you think will win tonight?" Martin: "I know it's a long shot, but I hope I do." HA.
9:34: Is this a movie about hamsters? Elite animal spies? Oh, it has Will Arnett. It must be funny if it has GOB Bluth. And they are guinea pigs. Still rodents. AND Bill Nighy? Okay, this movie clearly will be hilarious.
9:38: Another Group Sing. Sarver gets a solo. He is infinitely more comfortable on stage here than he was during the competition. O.M.G. Are they really singing this song?
9:40: Rod Stewart. Someone tell my mom. My dad thinks he is drunk. I concur. There is nothing sexy about a guy stumbling to the microphone stand.
9:41: Carrie Underwood!
9:42: Did Rod Stewart join a barbershiop quartet? Or beat up one and steal a jacket on the way to the theatre?
9:43: Bo Bice!
9:44: Music Royalty! Now touring your local nursing home.
9:45: Golden Idol.....drumroll please.....Outstanding Female. Several girls I've never seen. Yeah, they're not great. Awww, Tatiana! How we've missed you!!! Such a travesty she didn't make the top 13. Think of all the fodder I would have had!
9:50: Okay, ten minutes left!!! We have two winners in Bingo- Allison Greene in a record six minutes, and my dad after, like, an hour. We still have not seen:
-Ryan make fun of Simon's wardrobe
-Someone thanks the band
-Someone cries (unless you count my dad crying over Bikini Girl)
-Randy says the word "dude"
-Ryan and Simon "argue"
9:52: Who will win? Adam and Kris duet to Queen's "We are the Champions." This song so lends itself more to Adam. And there's the screaming. That didn't take long. And Queen shows up! Most of Queen, anyway. Long are the days when the Idol Finale was a bastion of no-name performers.
9:53: Is that every Idol that's ever been on the show? There are a lot of them. Or is it the Top 36?
9:54: Kris is holding his own. But you can really only hear Adam.
9:55: The last note is killer!
9:56: Another commercial break. Geez.
10:00: The results...Simon says he thought both were brilliant, unusually nice people, and very proud of what they achieved. He is not atoning for throwing Kris basically under the bus, as he did last year with D.Cook.
10:01:.....Your next American Idol is....KRIS ALLEN!
10:02: HOLY CARP!!!!! Kris is totally speechless. He thought Adam would win. And, there's a new trophy! It's no Mirrorball trophy, but, it'll do. Wow, I really thought Adam would win, too.
10:03: Ryan thanked the band and we are over the time limit! Finish your Bingo Cards. I hope Kris does a better job on the coronation song than last night.
10:04: Sources (Spear) say that Simon doesn't look happy. Well, of course not. He bet big on Glambert vs. Gokey, with Glambert for the win.
10:05: This is the only time an inspirational song makes sense...the Idol sings it with insane passion and feeling just this one time.
10:06: Laura OUT!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Live Blogging the Finale! Hour 1
7:59: I'm here, going to try to live blog. I don't have wireless :( Get your BINGO cards ready. TEAM KRIS!
8:00: Kris vs. Adam- we're being shown mostly clips from last night's performance. Their lives have been changed forever. But only can be an Idol. Who has "Idols dressed in same color" on their card? We're one minute in and already you get a square!
8:01: "Celebrities" in the audience.
8:02: Ryan is going to pay some respect to the judges, starting with his "dawg." We get a several minutes long montage of "for me, for you," from Randy. I love it because VFTW and other websites called him out on it many weeks ago and he's stopped doing it.
8:03: Clips of Kara saying "sweetie" or "honey" to every single person that has auditioned this year. Laugh, laugh. We still all hate you, Kara! ENjoy your last night as a judge.
8:04: Paula has the biggest vocabulary. "Balladeer" "Instinctual" "Consummate professional" "Vibrato's visceral response" "Palette of what you're wearing." And those were just the words that made SENSE.
8:05: Simon saying "What?" His clip is tens of dozens of seconds shorter than everyone else's.
8:06: The Idols are out- Kris and Adam both dressed in white. Don't they do this every year? Someone get that kid a mic that works. Ditto for Adam. This show brings in hundreds of millions of votes, and they can't get any mics that work?
8:07: Remember Mikalah Gordon? You don't either? She was on like five seasons ago, and was sassy! To Simon! And then got kicked off in like a second. She's in Kris' hometown with thousands of screaming girls. Carly Smithson from last year is in San Diego. Didn't Clay ask today where she was? There you go!
8:08: Allison already got the BINGO. DANG! Aww, a full-on Group Sing. All the Idols are dressed in white, Gokey even has matching glasses, JT, Jr. has a hat on. I missed you so much Group Sings! Even Blind Guy Scott is "dancing."
8:10: Allison Iraheta! I missed her! She should be in this thing, too. Anyway, Allison G's Bingo card read: Adam's fan shown, Simon wearing white shirt, Free space, Kris' family shown, and Idols dressed in same colors. Is that Jasmine belting it out? Where was that voice, oh, thirteen weeks ago? There's my girl Alexis! How bittersweet must it be to be in the Top 13 or 12 and not even get to tour? You're barely an Idol.
8:14: My dad is trying to play his Bingo card, and he said, "They haven't shown any celebrities yet." Me: "Yes, they did. Janice Dickinson." Dad: "Doesn't it have to be a real celebrity?"
8:16: David Cook singing his new single. It's more 90's rock band than his last songs, but still pretty haunting- he's got a black armband on in honor of his late brother. It's up on iTunes after the show, benefitting a cancer society.
8:18: He is SO much bigger than Ryan. Ryan is a wee little man compared to him.
8:19: Justin Guarini in da house! What is he doing?
8:20: Ha, the awards. The Golden Idols! Best scream? Gokey! Best Glasses: Gokey! J/K. The first nominee for Outstanding Male is also singing the same version of "Mad World" that Adam later rocks, but in a not-so-male voice. This portion of the finale is always pretty awkward and not so funny when the contestants clearly have some issues. The next guy has a crazy low voice, and Paula tells him to do voiceovers...for movies that have voiceovers in them. And then there's Normund Gentle...kind of a one trick pony, but still a pretty funny guy. He uses the phrase "Sassy Pants," so he's the winner to me. And the winner is....He wins! He wins!
8:23: He takes the stage in a hoodie and jeans. I love this guy...he thanks Whoopie Goldberg, Martin Short, wishe he had prepared something...HIT IT! He rips off his teraway pants to reveal his trademark shiny shirt. He's no Idol but someone get this guy a show!
8:25: You know Seacrest had those glasses and that exact headband in high school.
8:26: DUET! Get your Bingo cards out. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah.
8:27: Queen Latifah is working that skintight Lycra suit. Is this "Free Love Highway"? It's hard to tell; they aren't really in sync with the band from where I sit (downtstairs in my parents' freezing basement). I'd say it had a little more spunk and style than Karaoke. Remember when Lil was a favorite to win?
8:33: Anoop and Alexis dueting with Jason Mraz. These are bold choices for a Mraz duo. Kris wasn't available?
8:35: The journey of Kris Allen. Aww, he's so modest and humble. He is always so shocked when he makes it into the next round. Can you imagine if he won?? The thing I like about Kris, and even to Adam to an extent, is that he doesn't expect to win. He's living in the moment and clearly enjoying every moment of it.
8:37: Kris is singing a duet with Keith Urban, "Kiss a Girl." I totally love this- he could do well in country music or indie rock.
8:40: He's totally holding his own on stage, even with such a seasoned performer like Urban. Is this on iTunes? It's going to be all Allen all the time in my cube, ladies! Watch out!
8:41: The parents agree: this has country hit all over it. You know you're a star when you win over my parents :)
8:44: We have the ladies of Season 8 singing Fergie's "Glamorous." My mom thought they were singing "Glambert." Good call, Mom! Megan/Joy/Corkrey has not improved over the past several weeks. What did we see in her in the first place? She is also barely wearing pants. Better than Alexis, who is wearing vinyl pants.
8:46: And Fergie is with us tonight. She is looking, as Paula says, "tore up." How did she land Josh Duhamel?
8:48: The rest of the Peas join us along with some CREEEEEPY background dancers. And then we're bleeped for a good ten seconds. Did someone say something naughty? Allison Iraheta is a huge fan, she is rocking out behind the judges' table. This is so not in step with Idol is- a "singing competition"- this is not even within Adam's realm. Is it over yet?
8:50: Why is Paula clapping??? Ryan says, "That is why they are number one." Are they? Is this like Jamie Foxx's "hit" "song" that was "number one"?
8:51: The next Golden Idol category is Most Memorable, or something. It's Bikini Girl. Kara starts singing to prove her point. I'm glad I skipped these early episodes. They are painful. Seriously, my ears are bleeding.
8:53: Ryan brings out the envelope, and says, Please God! And lo, it is Bikini Girl. She looks....different. Ryan asks, "What's new?" He asked the same question to Kellie Pickler the same thing last year! She's singing again. My dad pointed out- there is no pole. How will this work?
8:54: Dad asks for some confirmation on the Bingo card- does it count if he cries? We hear another voice behind Bikini Girl, and it's Kara! Wow, she CAN sing. Who knew? Bikini Girl wisely just stands there looking cute. So, in the end, Kara is good for something. AND, she's wearing a bikini under her dress. Okay, she's a sport. She's made up for all those weeks and weeks of stupid comments!
8:56: Ryan says they begged and begged her to do this, and will donate a lot of money to her charity. As Spear says, "I thought she was all sass, nope, shy little naked girl."
Hour 2 Recap
8:00: Kris vs. Adam- we're being shown mostly clips from last night's performance. Their lives have been changed forever. But only can be an Idol. Who has "Idols dressed in same color" on their card? We're one minute in and already you get a square!
8:01: "Celebrities" in the audience.
8:02: Ryan is going to pay some respect to the judges, starting with his "dawg." We get a several minutes long montage of "for me, for you," from Randy. I love it because VFTW and other websites called him out on it many weeks ago and he's stopped doing it.
8:03: Clips of Kara saying "sweetie" or "honey" to every single person that has auditioned this year. Laugh, laugh. We still all hate you, Kara! ENjoy your last night as a judge.
8:04: Paula has the biggest vocabulary. "Balladeer" "Instinctual" "Consummate professional" "Vibrato's visceral response" "Palette of what you're wearing." And those were just the words that made SENSE.
8:05: Simon saying "What?" His clip is tens of dozens of seconds shorter than everyone else's.
8:06: The Idols are out- Kris and Adam both dressed in white. Don't they do this every year? Someone get that kid a mic that works. Ditto for Adam. This show brings in hundreds of millions of votes, and they can't get any mics that work?
8:07: Remember Mikalah Gordon? You don't either? She was on like five seasons ago, and was sassy! To Simon! And then got kicked off in like a second. She's in Kris' hometown with thousands of screaming girls. Carly Smithson from last year is in San Diego. Didn't Clay ask today where she was? There you go!
8:08: Allison already got the BINGO. DANG! Aww, a full-on Group Sing. All the Idols are dressed in white, Gokey even has matching glasses, JT, Jr. has a hat on. I missed you so much Group Sings! Even Blind Guy Scott is "dancing."
8:10: Allison Iraheta! I missed her! She should be in this thing, too. Anyway, Allison G's Bingo card read: Adam's fan shown, Simon wearing white shirt, Free space, Kris' family shown, and Idols dressed in same colors. Is that Jasmine belting it out? Where was that voice, oh, thirteen weeks ago? There's my girl Alexis! How bittersweet must it be to be in the Top 13 or 12 and not even get to tour? You're barely an Idol.
8:14: My dad is trying to play his Bingo card, and he said, "They haven't shown any celebrities yet." Me: "Yes, they did. Janice Dickinson." Dad: "Doesn't it have to be a real celebrity?"
8:16: David Cook singing his new single. It's more 90's rock band than his last songs, but still pretty haunting- he's got a black armband on in honor of his late brother. It's up on iTunes after the show, benefitting a cancer society.
8:18: He is SO much bigger than Ryan. Ryan is a wee little man compared to him.
8:19: Justin Guarini in da house! What is he doing?
8:20: Ha, the awards. The Golden Idols! Best scream? Gokey! Best Glasses: Gokey! J/K. The first nominee for Outstanding Male is also singing the same version of "Mad World" that Adam later rocks, but in a not-so-male voice. This portion of the finale is always pretty awkward and not so funny when the contestants clearly have some issues. The next guy has a crazy low voice, and Paula tells him to do voiceovers...for movies that have voiceovers in them. And then there's Normund Gentle...kind of a one trick pony, but still a pretty funny guy. He uses the phrase "Sassy Pants," so he's the winner to me. And the winner is....He wins! He wins!
8:23: He takes the stage in a hoodie and jeans. I love this guy...he thanks Whoopie Goldberg, Martin Short, wishe he had prepared something...HIT IT! He rips off his teraway pants to reveal his trademark shiny shirt. He's no Idol but someone get this guy a show!
8:25: You know Seacrest had those glasses and that exact headband in high school.
8:26: DUET! Get your Bingo cards out. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah.
8:27: Queen Latifah is working that skintight Lycra suit. Is this "Free Love Highway"? It's hard to tell; they aren't really in sync with the band from where I sit (downtstairs in my parents' freezing basement). I'd say it had a little more spunk and style than Karaoke. Remember when Lil was a favorite to win?
8:33: Anoop and Alexis dueting with Jason Mraz. These are bold choices for a Mraz duo. Kris wasn't available?
8:35: The journey of Kris Allen. Aww, he's so modest and humble. He is always so shocked when he makes it into the next round. Can you imagine if he won?? The thing I like about Kris, and even to Adam to an extent, is that he doesn't expect to win. He's living in the moment and clearly enjoying every moment of it.
8:37: Kris is singing a duet with Keith Urban, "Kiss a Girl." I totally love this- he could do well in country music or indie rock.
8:40: He's totally holding his own on stage, even with such a seasoned performer like Urban. Is this on iTunes? It's going to be all Allen all the time in my cube, ladies! Watch out!
8:41: The parents agree: this has country hit all over it. You know you're a star when you win over my parents :)
8:44: We have the ladies of Season 8 singing Fergie's "Glamorous." My mom thought they were singing "Glambert." Good call, Mom! Megan/Joy/Corkrey has not improved over the past several weeks. What did we see in her in the first place? She is also barely wearing pants. Better than Alexis, who is wearing vinyl pants.
8:46: And Fergie is with us tonight. She is looking, as Paula says, "tore up." How did she land Josh Duhamel?
8:48: The rest of the Peas join us along with some CREEEEEPY background dancers. And then we're bleeped for a good ten seconds. Did someone say something naughty? Allison Iraheta is a huge fan, she is rocking out behind the judges' table. This is so not in step with Idol is- a "singing competition"- this is not even within Adam's realm. Is it over yet?
8:50: Why is Paula clapping??? Ryan says, "That is why they are number one." Are they? Is this like Jamie Foxx's "hit" "song" that was "number one"?
8:51: The next Golden Idol category is Most Memorable, or something. It's Bikini Girl. Kara starts singing to prove her point. I'm glad I skipped these early episodes. They are painful. Seriously, my ears are bleeding.
8:53: Ryan brings out the envelope, and says, Please God! And lo, it is Bikini Girl. She looks....different. Ryan asks, "What's new?" He asked the same question to Kellie Pickler the same thing last year! She's singing again. My dad pointed out- there is no pole. How will this work?
8:54: Dad asks for some confirmation on the Bingo card- does it count if he cries? We hear another voice behind Bikini Girl, and it's Kara! Wow, she CAN sing. Who knew? Bikini Girl wisely just stands there looking cute. So, in the end, Kara is good for something. AND, she's wearing a bikini under her dress. Okay, she's a sport. She's made up for all those weeks and weeks of stupid comments!
8:56: Ryan says they begged and begged her to do this, and will donate a lot of money to her charity. As Spear says, "I thought she was all sass, nope, shy little naked girl."
Hour 2 Recap
Finale I: More like a performing competition
We are HERE!!! The first night of the Finals- as Ryan puts it, "Acoustic Rocker vs. Glam Rocker. Guy Next Door vs. Guyliner." We’re here in the hugenormous Nokia Theatre. The stage has about eighty thousand more “American Idol” signs, and I hope they are securely fastened. It would be a shame if Adam got hurt this late in the competition...what am I saying? I know nothing, NOTHING.
We are treated to some clips of each remaining Idol's first audition: Adam looking exactly the same, guyliner and all; Kris looking like a beat down poet. Who would have thought they would have outwitted, outlasted and outsang other favorites like Blind Guy Scott, JT, Jr., and early fave Lil Rounds?
Randy is in a suit that is making my eyes bleed. There are at least eight different colors and patterns. Does he not realize this is not shot in black and white? Paula is clearly aware of this, as she is sporting some Hedda Lettuce green. It's pretty intense, but it's a welcome change, as everyone in the theatre, including the Idols, is in all black ensembles.
Kris won the coin toss and wisely is going second- making Adam forego the Pimp Spot for the Most Important Performance EVAR. Each Idol gets three songs tonight- their favorite from this season, a song selected by the creator of AI, and a song written by Judge Kara. Will it be just the same bland and boring five words over and over again, much like her judging?
Ooh, I love the baby picture montages! This one is missing, though:
(sorry if that burned your eyes)
Adam's dad says that Adam would scream every night, and that's how he started performing. Adam looks pretty rough here in the recent clips. For his first performance tonight, he’s bringing back “Mad World,” from the Year of Birth night.
WOW. Adam is DEFINITELY paying the backstage crew overtime. A platform rises from behind the staircase, a shadowy figure backlit in a blue-green mist. There is even an ominous drumbeat/effect line in the background, giving this a spooky, haunted feeling. It’s the most theatrical of all of his performances so far- especially with the costuming choices of a trench coat, black gloves, sparkly shirt. Oh yeah, his Guyliner is off the hook tonight.
It kind of makes you think Kris made a wrong choice going second, because this really set the stage for the finals. Randy says he loves that Adam is singing something he already sang during the season, which is stupid, since it's kind of a requirement in this portion of tonight’s talent show. Randy gives him an A+.
Anthony Hopkins is in the audience? Doesn't he have anything better to do tonight, like polish his Oscar or something?
Paula is so proud of Adam. Not as proud as his mother, I hope…She might have a had a bit more to do with him being here tonight than Paula. Or not, I don’t really want to get too much into the personal life of Adam. I think we can all agree it is safer that way. Simon agrees with me- it was a bit over theatrical. Umm, yes, crowd. You can boo all you want; it doesn’t mean it’s not true. He calls it Phantom of the Opera, but Randy is shouting TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! So help me if this show tonight devolves into bad acting, ugly costumes, horrible hair, and sparkly vampires. We have the three of the four already.
Kris’ parents paid him a quarter to make him sing as a child. Awwww, Kris is shy! Too bad he's up against the least show person on the planet, Glambert. No wonder he's the underdog.
I was so hoping Kris would sing "Heartless" again, because the iTunes version is sadly different than what he sang last week, and I’ve had it in my head since then. Even though I’ve heard the Kanye version (vastly inferior!), I want, nay, NEED, the Kris Allen version. But instead he is singing , “Aint no Sunshine,” again on the piano. This week, he performs it with great amounts more confidence, swagger, and attitude than a few short weeks ago.
Kara and Randy thought it was one of his best performances. Paula tells us that he awakens the spirit in all of us, and he Allen-izes each song he performs. Oh, Paula! That's not even a word. Simon let us know, for what I hope is the last time, this is a (singing) competition, but he wasn’t sure if America had made the right choice picking Kris for the finals. Obviously, Simon would say that since he had been pimping a Danny/Adam finale for months, and is now eating humble pie. Yet, Simon calls Round 1 for Kris. Wahoo!
Round 2: Adam is back in his “soulful crooner” duds, singing, “Change is Gonna’ Come,” by Sam Cooke, chosen by Simon Fuller (not Cowell, the other Simon). It’s perfectly Southern and soulful, and a bit delightful, until he busts out that stupid scream and falsetto two-thirds of the way through.
Randy says he can SING. Laura says he can SHOUT. Paula says it was the best she’s ever heard him sing. Again, it's not singing if your tongue is sticking out. Simon says he is 100% back in the game. He wasn’t really out of the game, was he? It’s not like he totally bombed the first song. Most of the judges, and all of the crowd, loved it. He didn’t pull a Gokey and blow his chances at winning by doing a sucky song.
Kris is singing “What’s Going On?” and I fret that Simon Fuller is setting Kris up for an Epic Fail. But then I remember that Kris is not Danny Gokey, and this song will not sound just like the original, but with more shouting. Instead, it’s an acoustic version that sounds completely different than the original. It’s full of soul, energy, and spunk. You can just hear Kris saying, "Take that Glambert!"
Check it out! Randy says we have a duel going on tonight! The song has a great message, but it’s a bit light for tonight. Kris didn’t pick the song, Randy. Blame your boss, dawg. Paula then uses the phrase “tore it up” but sadly does not follow it with “from the floor up.” Simon says Kris didn’t grab hold of the song and Make It His Own(TM)- were you listening Simon? He is a laid back kind of guy, and sings laid back kind of songs. That’s why he’s not sporting any of the following: leather trenchcoat, leather gloves, leather pants, leather chaps, or any form of eye makeup.
Round 2: Adam.
The Idols' single is called “No Boundaries,” co-written by Idol judge Kara. Will it be a ballad? A rock song? What inspirational message will it impart to me tonight? Let's look at some sample lyrics:
-Every moment lasts forever when you’ve felt you’ve lost your way
-With every step you climb another mountain
-Just when you almost gave up on your dreams, they take you by the hand and show that you can
It’s the same adult contemporary schlock they sing every year. Adam adds his trademark falsetto/screaming combo over the top. The single is my least favorite part of the finals, mostly because the song is crap every year. Hear that, Kara?
Let’s see if the judges slam the song choice as much as they have in other finales. Randy reminds us this is a SINGING competition, and Adam can sing the phone book, he's a great singer, blah blah blah. Randy is building us up for another "Rock God" comment but- stop the presses!-it was just a’ight for him. I was not expecting that from Randy. It came out of nowhere. Kara thanks Adam for her moment, and calls the song beautiful. Adam thanks her for such a wonderful song. What did I say about bad acting showing up in tonight's show? Keep an eye out for the glitter vampires, y’all! Simon isn’t judging the song (for a change) but will judge Adam: he is one of the best, most original contestants ever on the show. Duh, Simon has been crushing on Adam's for weeks, so this is no surprise.
Kris gets to sing the same song. He puts a bit more of an indie spin on it- no falsetto or shouting here! It also shows that he struggles with the big notes, and OMG did he forget a word there? Please say no please say no….Kids, you know that I heart Kris Allen. But when I buy his future album, I will skip forward past this track each of the thousand times I will listen to it. It’s not great. I’m going to say: Match Point, Adam. Please hand me a tissue. *tear*
Randy says Kris should be very proud in this competition…which is like when Paula says, “You look really pretty tonight.” He is doomed. Kara doesn’t want him to be judged on the song…that she wrote...for this competition. She says the song (that she wrote, for this competition) was too high for his voice. She hopes people vote on the season, not the song (that she wrote, do I need to spell it out for you?). Paula echoes the “you look pretty!” comments-of-doom the other judges have given. Simon says Kris peaked early and has gone downhill tonight, but still has grown as a competitor this season. Simon also gives him the kiss of death: “The looks on your parents’ faces say it all; they must be so proud of you.”
I wondered going into tonight if the judges would kiss Adam's butt the entire night while putting Kris down at every chance. They did throw Kris a few bones, but it's pretty clear the judges have wanted Adam to win the entire competition. I had hoped Kris would pull another "Heartless" out of his back pocket, but he wasn't quite there.
I'm calling it:
Win: Adam
First Loser: Kris
Oh, Paula! moments: 1
MIYO: 1
Side note: did anyone watch "Glee" tonight? It was everything that the Idol Group sings are not, and more. Singing! Dancing! Journey! I'm so in next season!
We are treated to some clips of each remaining Idol's first audition: Adam looking exactly the same, guyliner and all; Kris looking like a beat down poet. Who would have thought they would have outwitted, outlasted and outsang other favorites like Blind Guy Scott, JT, Jr., and early fave Lil Rounds?
Randy is in a suit that is making my eyes bleed. There are at least eight different colors and patterns. Does he not realize this is not shot in black and white? Paula is clearly aware of this, as she is sporting some Hedda Lettuce green. It's pretty intense, but it's a welcome change, as everyone in the theatre, including the Idols, is in all black ensembles.
Kris won the coin toss and wisely is going second- making Adam forego the Pimp Spot for the Most Important Performance EVAR. Each Idol gets three songs tonight- their favorite from this season, a song selected by the creator of AI, and a song written by Judge Kara. Will it be just the same bland and boring five words over and over again, much like her judging?
Ooh, I love the baby picture montages! This one is missing, though:
(sorry if that burned your eyes)
Adam's dad says that Adam would scream every night, and that's how he started performing. Adam looks pretty rough here in the recent clips. For his first performance tonight, he’s bringing back “Mad World,” from the Year of Birth night.
WOW. Adam is DEFINITELY paying the backstage crew overtime. A platform rises from behind the staircase, a shadowy figure backlit in a blue-green mist. There is even an ominous drumbeat/effect line in the background, giving this a spooky, haunted feeling. It’s the most theatrical of all of his performances so far- especially with the costuming choices of a trench coat, black gloves, sparkly shirt. Oh yeah, his Guyliner is off the hook tonight.
It kind of makes you think Kris made a wrong choice going second, because this really set the stage for the finals. Randy says he loves that Adam is singing something he already sang during the season, which is stupid, since it's kind of a requirement in this portion of tonight’s talent show. Randy gives him an A+.
Anthony Hopkins is in the audience? Doesn't he have anything better to do tonight, like polish his Oscar or something?
Paula is so proud of Adam. Not as proud as his mother, I hope…She might have a had a bit more to do with him being here tonight than Paula. Or not, I don’t really want to get too much into the personal life of Adam. I think we can all agree it is safer that way. Simon agrees with me- it was a bit over theatrical. Umm, yes, crowd. You can boo all you want; it doesn’t mean it’s not true. He calls it Phantom of the Opera, but Randy is shouting TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! So help me if this show tonight devolves into bad acting, ugly costumes, horrible hair, and sparkly vampires. We have the three of the four already.
Kris’ parents paid him a quarter to make him sing as a child. Awwww, Kris is shy! Too bad he's up against the least show person on the planet, Glambert. No wonder he's the underdog.
I was so hoping Kris would sing "Heartless" again, because the iTunes version is sadly different than what he sang last week, and I’ve had it in my head since then. Even though I’ve heard the Kanye version (vastly inferior!), I want, nay, NEED, the Kris Allen version. But instead he is singing , “Aint no Sunshine,” again on the piano. This week, he performs it with great amounts more confidence, swagger, and attitude than a few short weeks ago.
Kara and Randy thought it was one of his best performances. Paula tells us that he awakens the spirit in all of us, and he Allen-izes each song he performs. Oh, Paula! That's not even a word. Simon let us know, for what I hope is the last time, this is a (singing) competition, but he wasn’t sure if America had made the right choice picking Kris for the finals. Obviously, Simon would say that since he had been pimping a Danny/Adam finale for months, and is now eating humble pie. Yet, Simon calls Round 1 for Kris. Wahoo!
Round 2: Adam is back in his “soulful crooner” duds, singing, “Change is Gonna’ Come,” by Sam Cooke, chosen by Simon Fuller (not Cowell, the other Simon). It’s perfectly Southern and soulful, and a bit delightful, until he busts out that stupid scream and falsetto two-thirds of the way through.
Randy says he can SING. Laura says he can SHOUT. Paula says it was the best she’s ever heard him sing. Again, it's not singing if your tongue is sticking out. Simon says he is 100% back in the game. He wasn’t really out of the game, was he? It’s not like he totally bombed the first song. Most of the judges, and all of the crowd, loved it. He didn’t pull a Gokey and blow his chances at winning by doing a sucky song.
Kris is singing “What’s Going On?” and I fret that Simon Fuller is setting Kris up for an Epic Fail. But then I remember that Kris is not Danny Gokey, and this song will not sound just like the original, but with more shouting. Instead, it’s an acoustic version that sounds completely different than the original. It’s full of soul, energy, and spunk. You can just hear Kris saying, "Take that Glambert!"
Check it out! Randy says we have a duel going on tonight! The song has a great message, but it’s a bit light for tonight. Kris didn’t pick the song, Randy. Blame your boss, dawg. Paula then uses the phrase “tore it up” but sadly does not follow it with “from the floor up.” Simon says Kris didn’t grab hold of the song and Make It His Own(TM)- were you listening Simon? He is a laid back kind of guy, and sings laid back kind of songs. That’s why he’s not sporting any of the following: leather trenchcoat, leather gloves, leather pants, leather chaps, or any form of eye makeup.
Round 2: Adam.
The Idols' single is called “No Boundaries,” co-written by Idol judge Kara. Will it be a ballad? A rock song? What inspirational message will it impart to me tonight? Let's look at some sample lyrics:
-Every moment lasts forever when you’ve felt you’ve lost your way
-With every step you climb another mountain
-Just when you almost gave up on your dreams, they take you by the hand and show that you can
It’s the same adult contemporary schlock they sing every year. Adam adds his trademark falsetto/screaming combo over the top. The single is my least favorite part of the finals, mostly because the song is crap every year. Hear that, Kara?
Let’s see if the judges slam the song choice as much as they have in other finales. Randy reminds us this is a SINGING competition, and Adam can sing the phone book, he's a great singer, blah blah blah. Randy is building us up for another "Rock God" comment but- stop the presses!-it was just a’ight for him. I was not expecting that from Randy. It came out of nowhere. Kara thanks Adam for her moment, and calls the song beautiful. Adam thanks her for such a wonderful song. What did I say about bad acting showing up in tonight's show? Keep an eye out for the glitter vampires, y’all! Simon isn’t judging the song (for a change) but will judge Adam: he is one of the best, most original contestants ever on the show. Duh, Simon has been crushing on Adam's for weeks, so this is no surprise.
Kris gets to sing the same song. He puts a bit more of an indie spin on it- no falsetto or shouting here! It also shows that he struggles with the big notes, and OMG did he forget a word there? Please say no please say no….Kids, you know that I heart Kris Allen. But when I buy his future album, I will skip forward past this track each of the thousand times I will listen to it. It’s not great. I’m going to say: Match Point, Adam. Please hand me a tissue. *tear*
Randy says Kris should be very proud in this competition…which is like when Paula says, “You look really pretty tonight.” He is doomed. Kara doesn’t want him to be judged on the song…that she wrote...for this competition. She says the song (that she wrote, for this competition) was too high for his voice. She hopes people vote on the season, not the song (that she wrote, do I need to spell it out for you?). Paula echoes the “you look pretty!” comments-of-doom the other judges have given. Simon says Kris peaked early and has gone downhill tonight, but still has grown as a competitor this season. Simon also gives him the kiss of death: “The looks on your parents’ faces say it all; they must be so proud of you.”
I wondered going into tonight if the judges would kiss Adam's butt the entire night while putting Kris down at every chance. They did throw Kris a few bones, but it's pretty clear the judges have wanted Adam to win the entire competition. I had hoped Kris would pull another "Heartless" out of his back pocket, but he wasn't quite there.
I'm calling it:
Win: Adam
First Loser: Kris
Oh, Paula! moments: 1
MIYO: 1
Side note: did anyone watch "Glee" tonight? It was everything that the Idol Group sings are not, and more. Singing! Dancing! Journey! I'm so in next season!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Go Go Going Home Gokey
We open on-hey! That's not the stage! That's just the desk, which is going into the Smithsonian next to Lincoln’s top hat, Thomas Jefferson’s desk and other highly important American artifacts. What a crazy coinkydink that Ben Stiller & Co. have a movie coming out that's set at the Smithsonian. It's not enough that we have the Ford pimp-o-mercial during the show, we now have this too? Bill Hader does do a pretty spot-on "ba-da ba-da ba-da daaaaa" opening notes to the AI theme song, so I'll give him a pass. Frank Azaria gets no such mercy for appearing in this.
We finally make it to the Idol Arena, where Kara is sporting one of those Hair Bumps they sell on late-night TV, Paula is in all formal wear, and Simon is...still in a T-shirt.
The Pimp-o-mercial is increasingly awkward, as there are only three contestants left to shill the car. It is half animated, and has something to do with...superpowers? Danny is Super White Boy Dancing Man and uses his embarrassing dance moves to clear the street so they can....drive away? Lame.
We are spared a group sing number, and instead Alicia Keyes introduces us to the cutest little kid ever (what did I say about the cute kid quotient on this show? Off the charts!). Noah is from Keep a Child Alive and wants to help kids affected by AIDS in Africa. He learned this song in English in a week. Someone get this kid a record deal! He is working the stage, dancing around; even the backup dancers are having a great time. Danny could learn a few dance tips from this kid! Heck, Adam could learn a few things from this kid!
Ryan brings Danny up on stage first- I was so worried he was safe, because it was pretty early in the show to send one of the three to safety. Rest assured, Ryan is not sending Danny, or anyone else, to safety at this point. We first have to see each's hometown visit recap package, hear the judges' comments, and then Ryan will send them back to the Couches of Possible Safety. The Spinny Stools of Doom have been retired for the season, apparently.
Danny: Goes home to Milwaukee. We don't see his huge family, for some weird reason, but we do see BFF Jamar, with whom Danny auditioned at the beginning of the season. We get the first mention of his dead wife ("from tragedy to triumph") in several weeks. He should have brought her up yesterday to garner some sympathy votes. Too little, too late, Danny! He goes around Milwaukee, performing for his fans, although we don't see him flubbing the words to "Billie Jean." Is it still a singing competition if you forget the lyrics? The tween girls don't care, especially one who chases after him as his limo pulls away. She is wearing- I am not kidding here- a silver spangly tank top, pink feather boa, and red flannel PJ pants. I originally told Val that she was chasing after Adam, and that kind of makes sense for him. Chasing after Danny makes it all the more hilarious. I have scoured the internets in vain for a picture, but trust me, it was amazing.
Kris: Goes home to Conway, AR. He gets free cheese dip for life at his favorite local restaurant. This would be reason enough for me to try out for American Idol. Kris seems like a regular guy during his trip home- he keeps trying to jump into the mosh pit at his concert, slap the fans hands, etc. but the security guys keep dragging me...I mean, him, away. We get to see Kris' family, though we don't see Danny's or Adam's. Kris' dad gives him the most hugest bear hug you have ever seen, and Kris tells his mom (in a cute Southern accent), "Don't cry, Momma." Whose heart hasn't melted yet? All together now: Awwwwww.
Adam: Goes all the way home to San Diego. Ryan teases us with the image of someone streaking to the stage while Adam performs on stage. Except it's a high school girl rushing the podium in a bra and skirt. Not really what you'd call a streaker. Also? Has she not googled Adam images? He is not impressed, honey. The best part of Adam's video package is all the crazy Californian people trying to get his autograph. Besides the tween girls (have they not learned Google yet either?), there's this old dude trying to get Adam to sign his white polo shirt. Then there's an old woman peering into the windows of Adam's limo as he pulls away. Why are people so cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs here?
Former Idol winner Jordin Sparks comes on stage, looking much older than her, what, 20 years? She's channeling Beyonce tonight- the hair extensions, the head toss, the big belting notes. Seriously, throw in some backup dancers in leotards and tights, and you'll see what I mean.
Also on deck: twee singer Katy Perry. She takes the stage in a- again, not kidding here, folks- Elvis Presley leotard and cape combo. Better still, the cape has "Adam Lambert" in sequins on the back. She's not on Team Kris? Color me surprised. This costume stuff is getting out of hand. May I suggest Go Fug Yourself: Katy Perry Edition for the full canon of her outfits? This Elvis get-up is pretty tame for- OMG! They just showed a shot of her running up to the judges' desk and, how do I put this politely, her butt is falling out of her hotpants. She's a super skinny girl, but this shot is flattering to no one. Holy carp! Now she's putting that thing on the judges' desk. What you are not seeing at the break is the Fox Intern running out with Lysol to scrub it down. Someone get that girl some pants!
Okay, now that that is over, we can get down to the Elimination Station. First person into the finals is.....KRIS! He is freaking pumped. His dad is beaming, the crowd is freaking out, even Simon is smiling. Mostly because he knows Adam is still a lock for winning this competition, but still.
Next...drumroll please, at this point it could go either way.... but it's Glambert by an eyelash!* That was not so surprising.
Aww, we'll miss Danny, right? His goodbye video shows some fine moments for once-favorite Glasses Gokey. Jamie Foxx getting all up in his grill, Randy saying more times than we can count that this is a "SINGING COMPETITION," and of course, the once-ubiquitous mentions of Danny's dear departed wife. Danny sings "You Are So Beautiful" on the way out, and I forced myself to listen to it. It's not half bad, but it's no "Heartless."
Whoa- before we cut away to the evening news, Simon says next week could be, as they say in England, a big ding dong? What does that even mean? Is that appropriate for all the children watching?
Next week: The finals! TEAM KRIS!
*My dad's contribution to this week's recap
We finally make it to the Idol Arena, where Kara is sporting one of those Hair Bumps they sell on late-night TV, Paula is in all formal wear, and Simon is...still in a T-shirt.
The Pimp-o-mercial is increasingly awkward, as there are only three contestants left to shill the car. It is half animated, and has something to do with...superpowers? Danny is Super White Boy Dancing Man and uses his embarrassing dance moves to clear the street so they can....drive away? Lame.
We are spared a group sing number, and instead Alicia Keyes introduces us to the cutest little kid ever (what did I say about the cute kid quotient on this show? Off the charts!). Noah is from Keep a Child Alive and wants to help kids affected by AIDS in Africa. He learned this song in English in a week. Someone get this kid a record deal! He is working the stage, dancing around; even the backup dancers are having a great time. Danny could learn a few dance tips from this kid! Heck, Adam could learn a few things from this kid!
Ryan brings Danny up on stage first- I was so worried he was safe, because it was pretty early in the show to send one of the three to safety. Rest assured, Ryan is not sending Danny, or anyone else, to safety at this point. We first have to see each's hometown visit recap package, hear the judges' comments, and then Ryan will send them back to the Couches of Possible Safety. The Spinny Stools of Doom have been retired for the season, apparently.
Danny: Goes home to Milwaukee. We don't see his huge family, for some weird reason, but we do see BFF Jamar, with whom Danny auditioned at the beginning of the season. We get the first mention of his dead wife ("from tragedy to triumph") in several weeks. He should have brought her up yesterday to garner some sympathy votes. Too little, too late, Danny! He goes around Milwaukee, performing for his fans, although we don't see him flubbing the words to "Billie Jean." Is it still a singing competition if you forget the lyrics? The tween girls don't care, especially one who chases after him as his limo pulls away. She is wearing- I am not kidding here- a silver spangly tank top, pink feather boa, and red flannel PJ pants. I originally told Val that she was chasing after Adam, and that kind of makes sense for him. Chasing after Danny makes it all the more hilarious. I have scoured the internets in vain for a picture, but trust me, it was amazing.
Kris: Goes home to Conway, AR. He gets free cheese dip for life at his favorite local restaurant. This would be reason enough for me to try out for American Idol. Kris seems like a regular guy during his trip home- he keeps trying to jump into the mosh pit at his concert, slap the fans hands, etc. but the security guys keep dragging me...I mean, him, away. We get to see Kris' family, though we don't see Danny's or Adam's. Kris' dad gives him the most hugest bear hug you have ever seen, and Kris tells his mom (in a cute Southern accent), "Don't cry, Momma." Whose heart hasn't melted yet? All together now: Awwwwww.
Adam: Goes all the way home to San Diego. Ryan teases us with the image of someone streaking to the stage while Adam performs on stage. Except it's a high school girl rushing the podium in a bra and skirt. Not really what you'd call a streaker. Also? Has she not googled Adam images? He is not impressed, honey. The best part of Adam's video package is all the crazy Californian people trying to get his autograph. Besides the tween girls (have they not learned Google yet either?), there's this old dude trying to get Adam to sign his white polo shirt. Then there's an old woman peering into the windows of Adam's limo as he pulls away. Why are people so cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs here?
Former Idol winner Jordin Sparks comes on stage, looking much older than her, what, 20 years? She's channeling Beyonce tonight- the hair extensions, the head toss, the big belting notes. Seriously, throw in some backup dancers in leotards and tights, and you'll see what I mean.
Also on deck: twee singer Katy Perry. She takes the stage in a- again, not kidding here, folks- Elvis Presley leotard and cape combo. Better still, the cape has "Adam Lambert" in sequins on the back. She's not on Team Kris? Color me surprised. This costume stuff is getting out of hand. May I suggest Go Fug Yourself: Katy Perry Edition for the full canon of her outfits? This Elvis get-up is pretty tame for- OMG! They just showed a shot of her running up to the judges' desk and, how do I put this politely, her butt is falling out of her hotpants. She's a super skinny girl, but this shot is flattering to no one. Holy carp! Now she's putting that thing on the judges' desk. What you are not seeing at the break is the Fox Intern running out with Lysol to scrub it down. Someone get that girl some pants!
Okay, now that that is over, we can get down to the Elimination Station. First person into the finals is.....KRIS! He is freaking pumped. His dad is beaming, the crowd is freaking out, even Simon is smiling. Mostly because he knows Adam is still a lock for winning this competition, but still.
Next...drumroll please, at this point it could go either way.... but it's Glambert by an eyelash!* That was not so surprising.
Aww, we'll miss Danny, right? His goodbye video shows some fine moments for once-favorite Glasses Gokey. Jamie Foxx getting all up in his grill, Randy saying more times than we can count that this is a "SINGING COMPETITION," and of course, the once-ubiquitous mentions of Danny's dear departed wife. Danny sings "You Are So Beautiful" on the way out, and I forced myself to listen to it. It's not half bad, but it's no "Heartless."
Whoa- before we cut away to the evening news, Simon says next week could be, as they say in England, a big ding dong? What does that even mean? Is that appropriate for all the children watching?
Next week: The finals! TEAM KRIS!
*My dad's contribution to this week's recap
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Make it your own, or you know, don't
We’re in the home stretch, folks. We’re down to the final three- Glambert, Glasses Gokey, and Heartthrob/Dreamsicle Kris Allen. Even the judges are excited to be this close to the finale. They are giddy, just giddy, during the introductions. Paula is super feisty, and even Simon is a sport, throwing his arms out as Ryan introduces him. We can all see the light at the end of the tunnel, as there are only three shows left after tonight. Who will be your next….American Idol?
Is it Go Go Going Back to Milwaukee Gokey? Danny’s singing a song Paula picked, Terence Trent D’arby’s (not going to lie, needed Google to spell that one), “Dance, Little Sister.” Does anyone else know this song? I certainly do not. Anywho, Danny has the George Michael scruff that Anoop was sporting a few weeks ago. The vocals are good, I feel it is still a bit shouty, but that must be Danny’s M.O. Danny also busts out some swaggerin’ dance moves, and fans, it is hilarious. He has that horrible awkward White Boy Dancing style, and I keep waiting for him to bust out the Running Man or the Shopping Cart. I would only be so lucky.
Kara criticized Danny’s dancing, and Simon notes that this is a SINGING COMPETITION, not that silly dancing show (Dancing With The Stars, which films next door- too bad, we could use some Maksim up in here. Am I right, ladies?). Simon liked Paula’s choice and thinks Danny is on the right track with that kind of sound. I thought it sounded like every other song he’s sung this season, but what do I know?
Next up, my boy Kris! He is singing a song chosen by Randy and Kara- Randy clearly drew the short straw, as there are now four judges/three contestants, so someone had to double up. They picked One Republic’s “Apologize,” which was sung by the aforementioned gentleman on one of last year’s final shows, and also a song that Randy suggested Matt Giraud sing earlier in the season. I feel like Kris and Matt G. are two totally different genres of performers- Kris more of the singer/songwriter, Matt G. the bluesy/jazzy style. But whatevs.
Kris takes a seat at the piano, just like One Republic does, to sing the song. Okay, I’ll admit, it sounds a bit like the original version, but he definitely changes it up and gets a Made It Your Own™ from me! While Randy loved the song, Kara totally slams his performance. She calls it “competent.” Competent? Girl, you better watch your back! Tens of dozens of tween fans (and me) will have it in for you after that comment!
Simon stands up for him, and tells Kara, “You can't choose a song for him and then blame him for doing the song.” If she had really wanted him to mix it up, she should have worked on the arrangement herself. But don’t blame the kid for performing the song SHE chose for him! Well said, Simon. Suck it, Kara! I love this new rivalry between Kara and Simon. This is also the first episode where I’m firmly on Team Anti-Kara, since she’s not adding a different perspective to the show. Even Paula adds more to the show than Kara.
Of course, Simon gets to pick Adam’s song. Of course he does. He then name drops Bono, as he had to call U2 personally to get the rights to the song (“One”). Oh, Simon.
Adam is still paying the AI crew overtime, as the fog machines roll in, and the spotlights are trained on his (craggy, ew) face. I was concerned but for a moment that he was wearing a denim jumpsuit, which would have not been a surprise. Rest assured, it is merely a denim shirt over jeans. Phew! He is taking the song slow and low, a newer side of Adam’s voice which I am loving….then he breaks out into that stupid rock shouting crap that I hate. Adam, why did you have to go back to the shouting falsetto, when you could have done some brilliant, original work with your actual, pretty singing voice? Sure, he rocks this, Made It His Own™, etc etc etc, but since when does singing involve sticking your tongue out at the same time? I’m shuddering right now just thinking of it.
Randy says he’s can “really, really, REALLY sing.” Three “reallys,” Randy? Really?? Kara gives him a Made It Your Own™, loving that he can take a song and completely change it up. What she’s really saying is: Unlike someone else in the competition, Kris. Simon gloats, “What a brilliant song choice!”Oh, Simon.
At this point in the show, it’s clear that tonight is not a competition to get into the Final Two, it’s a competition of Kris vs. Danny for Second Loser next week. Adam is just totally rocking it at this point. Paula even basically says to give him the trophy already.
Next, the songsters get to pick their own song to perform. Danny picks Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful” and promises to mix it up, Make It His Own™! I have to tell you, I fell asleep as soon as this song started. It was just so boring for me. I know others didn’t feel that way (Ashley), but OMG every song he sings sounds the same! At least he was in tune, unlike last week’s atrocity.
Randy loved it. He breaks out the SINGING COMPETITION thing again, and yes, Danny can SING. But if Danny sings in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, does anyone care? Kara begins to lavish praise on Danny for mixing it up, Making It His Own™, please have her babies, gag me with a spoon. Simon, on the other hand, slams Danny for changing the arrangement up because it didn’t need changing. Make up your mind, Simon! You give Adam points for singing your arrangement, but slam Danny for singing a new arrangement. He can’t win. Or can he? It’s him vs. Kris at this point, and Danny’s never been in the bottom three. Simon does point out that this is a SINGING COMPETITON and the vocals were brilliant.
Kris is going to sing Kanye West’s “Heartless,” and I am so intrigued by this!! If you remember, Kanye “sang” this song a few weeks ago on the Idol stage, and Kris’ performance is everything Kanye’s was not. Absofreakinglutely brilliant!!!!! How many exclamation points can I use before you stop reading?!?!?! Kris sang an acoustic version of the song, just him and his guitar, and it’s the Kris we know and love. Disclaimer: I have had this song in my head all morning and am counting down the minutes until it’s available on iTunes. Watch out, cube-mates. This is so going to be my ringtone.
The judges are freaking out- Randy says it’s better than Kanye’s version (not hard to do), and Kris is in it to win it! Kara asks him why he didn’t do that with “Apologize”? Because he wanted to save the best for last, Kara! Simon says that Kris’ (aka Randy and Kara’s) first song choice was super lame and Simon had written him off for the finals, but now, brought him back into the competition. Kris says “I know, right?” and it’s like he’s talking directly to me! Swoon.
Glambert closes out the show (how many times has he gotten the pimp spot? Three? Four? Twelve?) with Aerosmith’s “Crying.” Adam is the only Idol in which I feel compelled to comment on his wardrobe. I mean, Danny coordinates his glasses with his song choice, and Kris has a standard wardrobe of t-shirt, jeans and Chuck Taylors, but Adam….Adam is wearing a spangly t-shirt that says “ROCK!” that is absolutely fab-u-lous! I am hoping that the back of his leather jacket is similarly bedazzled, but I am sorely disappointed. His song is spot on Steven Tyler, full of shouty falsettos. However, it’s a performance, not just someone singing on stage (Danny).
Randy says he is one of the brightest stars they have ever had on Idol, and this is the kind of music he should be singing. He is a ROCK STAR. Simon puts a call out to America to remember to VOTE for Adam tonight if they want him in the competition. We don’t need another Daughtry situation on our hands. And a Kris vs. Danny final? Bor-ring.
Who’s going home tonight: My heart says Danny, my head says Kris- but only because he might benefit more from the buzz of getting kicked out. Could he go up against Glambert and WIN? Doubtful. But, lest we not forget, this is a SINGING COMPETITION, and Danny is clearly the best straight-up singer of the bunch, and that might carry him through. Adam is a lock for next week.
MIYO: 5
Oh, Simon: 2
Is it Go Go Going Back to Milwaukee Gokey? Danny’s singing a song Paula picked, Terence Trent D’arby’s (not going to lie, needed Google to spell that one), “Dance, Little Sister.” Does anyone else know this song? I certainly do not. Anywho, Danny has the George Michael scruff that Anoop was sporting a few weeks ago. The vocals are good, I feel it is still a bit shouty, but that must be Danny’s M.O. Danny also busts out some swaggerin’ dance moves, and fans, it is hilarious. He has that horrible awkward White Boy Dancing style, and I keep waiting for him to bust out the Running Man or the Shopping Cart. I would only be so lucky.
Kara criticized Danny’s dancing, and Simon notes that this is a SINGING COMPETITION, not that silly dancing show (Dancing With The Stars, which films next door- too bad, we could use some Maksim up in here. Am I right, ladies?). Simon liked Paula’s choice and thinks Danny is on the right track with that kind of sound. I thought it sounded like every other song he’s sung this season, but what do I know?
Next up, my boy Kris! He is singing a song chosen by Randy and Kara- Randy clearly drew the short straw, as there are now four judges/three contestants, so someone had to double up. They picked One Republic’s “Apologize,” which was sung by the aforementioned gentleman on one of last year’s final shows, and also a song that Randy suggested Matt Giraud sing earlier in the season. I feel like Kris and Matt G. are two totally different genres of performers- Kris more of the singer/songwriter, Matt G. the bluesy/jazzy style. But whatevs.
Kris takes a seat at the piano, just like One Republic does, to sing the song. Okay, I’ll admit, it sounds a bit like the original version, but he definitely changes it up and gets a Made It Your Own™ from me! While Randy loved the song, Kara totally slams his performance. She calls it “competent.” Competent? Girl, you better watch your back! Tens of dozens of tween fans (and me) will have it in for you after that comment!
Simon stands up for him, and tells Kara, “You can't choose a song for him and then blame him for doing the song.” If she had really wanted him to mix it up, she should have worked on the arrangement herself. But don’t blame the kid for performing the song SHE chose for him! Well said, Simon. Suck it, Kara! I love this new rivalry between Kara and Simon. This is also the first episode where I’m firmly on Team Anti-Kara, since she’s not adding a different perspective to the show. Even Paula adds more to the show than Kara.
Of course, Simon gets to pick Adam’s song. Of course he does. He then name drops Bono, as he had to call U2 personally to get the rights to the song (“One”). Oh, Simon.
Adam is still paying the AI crew overtime, as the fog machines roll in, and the spotlights are trained on his (craggy, ew) face. I was concerned but for a moment that he was wearing a denim jumpsuit, which would have not been a surprise. Rest assured, it is merely a denim shirt over jeans. Phew! He is taking the song slow and low, a newer side of Adam’s voice which I am loving….then he breaks out into that stupid rock shouting crap that I hate. Adam, why did you have to go back to the shouting falsetto, when you could have done some brilliant, original work with your actual, pretty singing voice? Sure, he rocks this, Made It His Own™, etc etc etc, but since when does singing involve sticking your tongue out at the same time? I’m shuddering right now just thinking of it.
Randy says he’s can “really, really, REALLY sing.” Three “reallys,” Randy? Really?? Kara gives him a Made It Your Own™, loving that he can take a song and completely change it up. What she’s really saying is: Unlike someone else in the competition, Kris. Simon gloats, “What a brilliant song choice!”Oh, Simon.
At this point in the show, it’s clear that tonight is not a competition to get into the Final Two, it’s a competition of Kris vs. Danny for Second Loser next week. Adam is just totally rocking it at this point. Paula even basically says to give him the trophy already.
Next, the songsters get to pick their own song to perform. Danny picks Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful” and promises to mix it up, Make It His Own™! I have to tell you, I fell asleep as soon as this song started. It was just so boring for me. I know others didn’t feel that way (Ashley), but OMG every song he sings sounds the same! At least he was in tune, unlike last week’s atrocity.
Randy loved it. He breaks out the SINGING COMPETITION thing again, and yes, Danny can SING. But if Danny sings in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, does anyone care? Kara begins to lavish praise on Danny for mixing it up, Making It His Own™, please have her babies, gag me with a spoon. Simon, on the other hand, slams Danny for changing the arrangement up because it didn’t need changing. Make up your mind, Simon! You give Adam points for singing your arrangement, but slam Danny for singing a new arrangement. He can’t win. Or can he? It’s him vs. Kris at this point, and Danny’s never been in the bottom three. Simon does point out that this is a SINGING COMPETITON and the vocals were brilliant.
Kris is going to sing Kanye West’s “Heartless,” and I am so intrigued by this!! If you remember, Kanye “sang” this song a few weeks ago on the Idol stage, and Kris’ performance is everything Kanye’s was not. Absofreakinglutely brilliant!!!!! How many exclamation points can I use before you stop reading?!?!?! Kris sang an acoustic version of the song, just him and his guitar, and it’s the Kris we know and love. Disclaimer: I have had this song in my head all morning and am counting down the minutes until it’s available on iTunes. Watch out, cube-mates. This is so going to be my ringtone.
The judges are freaking out- Randy says it’s better than Kanye’s version (not hard to do), and Kris is in it to win it! Kara asks him why he didn’t do that with “Apologize”? Because he wanted to save the best for last, Kara! Simon says that Kris’ (aka Randy and Kara’s) first song choice was super lame and Simon had written him off for the finals, but now, brought him back into the competition. Kris says “I know, right?” and it’s like he’s talking directly to me! Swoon.
Glambert closes out the show (how many times has he gotten the pimp spot? Three? Four? Twelve?) with Aerosmith’s “Crying.” Adam is the only Idol in which I feel compelled to comment on his wardrobe. I mean, Danny coordinates his glasses with his song choice, and Kris has a standard wardrobe of t-shirt, jeans and Chuck Taylors, but Adam….Adam is wearing a spangly t-shirt that says “ROCK!” that is absolutely fab-u-lous! I am hoping that the back of his leather jacket is similarly bedazzled, but I am sorely disappointed. His song is spot on Steven Tyler, full of shouty falsettos. However, it’s a performance, not just someone singing on stage (Danny).
Randy says he is one of the brightest stars they have ever had on Idol, and this is the kind of music he should be singing. He is a ROCK STAR. Simon puts a call out to America to remember to VOTE for Adam tonight if they want him in the competition. We don’t need another Daughtry situation on our hands. And a Kris vs. Danny final? Bor-ring.
Who’s going home tonight: My heart says Danny, my head says Kris- but only because he might benefit more from the buzz of getting kicked out. Could he go up against Glambert and WIN? Doubtful. But, lest we not forget, this is a SINGING COMPETITION, and Danny is clearly the best straight-up singer of the bunch, and that might carry him through. Adam is a lock for next week.
MIYO: 5
Oh, Simon: 2
Thursday, May 7, 2009
guess he's not go go going home after all
Let’s talk, America. We had a nice thing going. Sure, you kicked my girl Alexis off the show weeks before her due (while keeping Megan/Joy/Corkrey), but you’ve also kept Kris around. And I love you for that. I thought we also agreed that Allison rocked, and should be in the Finals. Allow me to elaborate: she’s started dressing like a normal human being, has become quite the pistol with Simon, and oh yeah, she can SING. (Say it together now: this is a SINGING COMPETITON). But it’s like I don’t even know you, America! Instead of sending “Go Go Home Already” Gokey home, you sent that adorable fireball Allison Iraheta home. Unacceptable. You’re dead to me, America.
Okay, you did save Kris, again, so you’ve got that going for you….but that’s it.
Which brings us back to the (still discombobulated) Idol stage for tonight’s elimination. After another cheesy Ford pimp-o-mercial, the Idols do the group sing with Slash on “School’s Out for Summer.” I missed the first few minutes, but our intrepid field reporter, Laura’s Dad, had this to say: “Glambert screaming. Gokey shouting. Ryan told Slash he “made it his own” with the mentoring. MIYO: 1.” I take it that by Made It His Own™, Ryan actually meant “showed up slightly more sober than Paula.” Oh, Paula.
Ryan takes a moment to discuss with the Final Four- what are they feeling? How are they holding up? Did they watch the replay of Danny’s Psycho-esque scream? Danny admits that when he watched the show back maybe, just maybe, the last note wasn’t as strong as he had thought. Maybe? Danny, people have made ringtones out of that scream! Speaking of, how do I get that on my phone? Must have now!
Time for another historic event. She’s been a judge for eight seasons, but never before has Paula Abdul performed on the Idol stage. Let’s take a moment and consider just how lucky we’ve been, because this “performance”…it’s a train wreck. My inside sources (i.e. The EW Popwatch Blog) say that the show was taped Tuesday night after the Rock Night performances. The lack of energy from the now-half-full audience is palpable, and no amount of lip synching, twirling, and hot backup dancers can overcome this deficit. Sadly, Paula comes off like a 2007-era-Britney Spears- except she’s (kinda) wearing pants.
Oh, Paula! moments: five minutes’ worth
Next up, another pre-recorded performance of No Doubt. Remember when No Doubt came onto the scene and was totally punk/ska/OMG-I-can’t-believe-a-girl-is acting-like-that-on-stage? Yeah, that was like fifteen years ago. I know, because my mom had to drive me to that concert. I’m so old. So is Gwen, because she is crazy out of breath after sprinting around the stage and even doing some pushups. Also, one of her bandmates is in a tutu. Bold move, sir.
We finally get to the point of tonight’s show- Ryan points out the Spinny Stools of Doom have been smartly moved to the side of the stage not beneath the AI sign that might fall any minute. They are now to be known as the “Spinny Stools of Safety” and the first to sit down is….KRIS! Wahooo! He is freaking blindsided by this revelation, as he clearly thought he was a goner. But, as Ryan reminds us, one of the most successful Idols ever went home on this very night…Chris Daughtry! He’s back to perform a new song off his album, and it’s pretty great. His songs kind of all sound the same, but he’s humble, very polite, and polished (his performance AND his head).
Back to the Elimination Station….Adam is safe! Not too shocking. But then… (record scratch) Allison is going home? Again, America. We’ve had this conversation like five weeks in a row, and I thought you’d finally gotten it. Danny sounded like something out of a Wes Craven movie, while Allison, well she’s a ROCK STAR and this is a SINGING COMPETITION. She’s shocked; the judges are shocked; I’m shocked.
Ryan shows Allison’s Going Home video clip, and awww, our little girl is all growed up! She’s in tears, but then gives a performance of “Cry Baby” that was miles better than anything she did last night, and I can’t believe you sent her home, America! Conspicuously absent were any comments from the judges on America’s (poor) choice- usually Ryan asks if America made a mistake tonight (they did), is the right/wrong person going home (no/yes), etc. Commence conspiracy theories….now!
Spinny Stools of Safety: Adam (Ryan S.), Kris (Val), Danny (Kelly)
Out: Allison (Ashley)
Oh Paula! Moments: too many to count
Next week: Judge’s choice and the hometown visit
Okay, you did save Kris, again, so you’ve got that going for you….but that’s it.
Which brings us back to the (still discombobulated) Idol stage for tonight’s elimination. After another cheesy Ford pimp-o-mercial, the Idols do the group sing with Slash on “School’s Out for Summer.” I missed the first few minutes, but our intrepid field reporter, Laura’s Dad, had this to say: “Glambert screaming. Gokey shouting. Ryan told Slash he “made it his own” with the mentoring. MIYO: 1.” I take it that by Made It His Own™, Ryan actually meant “showed up slightly more sober than Paula.” Oh, Paula.
Ryan takes a moment to discuss with the Final Four- what are they feeling? How are they holding up? Did they watch the replay of Danny’s Psycho-esque scream? Danny admits that when he watched the show back maybe, just maybe, the last note wasn’t as strong as he had thought. Maybe? Danny, people have made ringtones out of that scream! Speaking of, how do I get that on my phone? Must have now!
Time for another historic event. She’s been a judge for eight seasons, but never before has Paula Abdul performed on the Idol stage. Let’s take a moment and consider just how lucky we’ve been, because this “performance”…it’s a train wreck. My inside sources (i.e. The EW Popwatch Blog) say that the show was taped Tuesday night after the Rock Night performances. The lack of energy from the now-half-full audience is palpable, and no amount of lip synching, twirling, and hot backup dancers can overcome this deficit. Sadly, Paula comes off like a 2007-era-Britney Spears- except she’s (kinda) wearing pants.
Oh, Paula! moments: five minutes’ worth
Next up, another pre-recorded performance of No Doubt. Remember when No Doubt came onto the scene and was totally punk/ska/OMG-I-can’t-believe-a-girl-is acting-like-that-on-stage? Yeah, that was like fifteen years ago. I know, because my mom had to drive me to that concert. I’m so old. So is Gwen, because she is crazy out of breath after sprinting around the stage and even doing some pushups. Also, one of her bandmates is in a tutu. Bold move, sir.
We finally get to the point of tonight’s show- Ryan points out the Spinny Stools of Doom have been smartly moved to the side of the stage not beneath the AI sign that might fall any minute. They are now to be known as the “Spinny Stools of Safety” and the first to sit down is….KRIS! Wahooo! He is freaking blindsided by this revelation, as he clearly thought he was a goner. But, as Ryan reminds us, one of the most successful Idols ever went home on this very night…Chris Daughtry! He’s back to perform a new song off his album, and it’s pretty great. His songs kind of all sound the same, but he’s humble, very polite, and polished (his performance AND his head).
Back to the Elimination Station….Adam is safe! Not too shocking. But then… (record scratch) Allison is going home? Again, America. We’ve had this conversation like five weeks in a row, and I thought you’d finally gotten it. Danny sounded like something out of a Wes Craven movie, while Allison, well she’s a ROCK STAR and this is a SINGING COMPETITION. She’s shocked; the judges are shocked; I’m shocked.
Ryan shows Allison’s Going Home video clip, and awww, our little girl is all growed up! She’s in tears, but then gives a performance of “Cry Baby” that was miles better than anything she did last night, and I can’t believe you sent her home, America! Conspicuously absent were any comments from the judges on America’s (poor) choice- usually Ryan asks if America made a mistake tonight (they did), is the right/wrong person going home (no/yes), etc. Commence conspiracy theories….now!
Spinny Stools of Safety: Adam (Ryan S.), Kris (Val), Danny (Kelly)
Out: Allison (Ashley)
Oh Paula! Moments: too many to count
Next week: Judge’s choice and the hometown visit
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I'm a rock star, you're a rock star
So, Rock Night! (Insert high pitched rock scream here). This week we have the Final Four performing “classic” rock songs, as well a duet, under the tutelage of former GNR guitarist Slash. Slash is far less manic about mentoring these contestants than Jamie Foxx- there’s no jumping around, yelling, or “gollys” being bandied about. The contestants are pretty much on their own tonight.
Ryan starts the show by saying they are “very, very live.”How live? No dress rehearsal live. You can read more on Entertainment Weekly’s recap site (http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/05/american-idol-o.html), but there was some serious drama going on before the cameras rolled. On the upside, that means there could be some blunders, which means hilarity for us!
Up first: Glambert, in full Glambert mode. To borrow a line from Stella on Project Runway: Leathah, leathah, leathah! He sings “Whole Lotta Love,” by Led Zeppelin. Alright, I’ll be honest. I’m not a huge “classic rock” fan, so I don’t really know this song. While Val loved it, I thought we had seen the same “I’m a ROCK STAR” performance at least five times this season. Randy and Kara concur; Adam is a ROCK STAR, etc etc etc. We get it; he is a ROCK STAR and should be making a ROCK STAR album, not a Broadway album. Simon snarked that the performance was a bit understated (hee!) but it would be impossible to top it.
Allison and Ryan sit on the Spinny Stools of Doom, which really could be the Spinny Stools of Doom & Death, because they are beneath a precariously perched “American Idol” globe, which has already fallen once this evening and could fall again. Wouldn’t that make AI so much more interesting? At any point in the night, the stage could just open up and eat a contestant- “My heart will go on and ooooonnnnnnn---noooooo!” I’d pay a dollar to see that.
Allison is singing “Cry Baby,” by Janis Joplin. It’s great, she’s totally rockified out in her outfit (also all black, it’s a theme), and does a great job. Randy, however, wanted to see a more melodic rock song. Paula wants to see her in a biopic of Janis Joplin, but I think Jenna Maroney has that all locked up, right 30 Rock fans? Simon basically says she’s singing karaoke tonight, and didn’t sound original enough. He would have chosen Queen for her, when Allison pipes up and says Queen was not an option. They have a little snark attach with each other, and Allison gets pretty feisty with Simon. On one hand, I worry about him slamming her performance to make Adam more of a lock for the finals, but on the other hand, I think he might be trying to draw her out of her shell and make her more of a personality for the viewers. See, she’s a firecracker! She’s a ROCK STAR!
Kris and Danny team up for their Dueling Duet for the night, singing “Renegade” by Styx. I love the harmonization at the beginning before the rock-ness kicks in. From there...it’s just a’ight. They aren’t really working together, and you get the feeling that they know they are battling each other out for a spot in the final three. I would’ve liked to have seen some elbows thrown, maybe a guitar over the head, or you know, something like that. Either way, the judges basically say it was okay, but not great. Simon thinks Danny did better than Kris, and Kris is all “whaaa?”
Kris’ meet & greet with Slash, Slash hands him a guitar and tells him to play with the band for a while. Kris is clearly awestruck. It’s cute. Kris is singing “Come Together,” by the Beatles and it’s a much stronger performance than we saw last year with the Beatles night (Kristy Lee Cook and “Eight Days a Week,” anyone?). I think Kris has bought off Adam’s lighting guy because he has lighting cues all over the place.
Randy knows Kris isn’t really a hard rocker, but he likes that he picked a song where he can be himself, loved the guitar playing. Kara calls him the Sears of Rock (“the softer side”). Paula thought it was risky to do a Beatles song, but how are the Beatles any risk at all? Anyway, she says he Made It His Own™! Simon thought it was like eating ice for lunch. Do you get the feeling that Simon doesn’t really “get” music, the kind of music that regular people listen to? Country, singer/songwriter stuff, umm, the Beatles? Whatever, Kris, you don’t need them! You rock!
Go Go Gokey: Gokey is totally in jeopardy tonight. His song…it’s not pretty, folks. He may be sporting some scruff, aviator-style Lenscrafters, and other rock accessories, but that does not a rocker make. He’s singing “Dream On,” by Aerosmith, and there’s a very “Adam” style screamy note at the end. He doesn’t hit it, not even close (if you read the EW article above, he doesn’t hit it in the short pre-show taping either). He’s not even on the same field or in the same state as that note.
And yet..Randy gives him an A for effort. Class, what did Randy forget? That this is a SINGING COMPETITION. And what was Danny doing tonight? Not singing, that’s for sure! Kara thought he took last week’s swagger too far, and somehow swaggered the note out of range. Simon said it was like a horror movie. Danny snarks back (lots of snark tonight!) that he’ll need to review the tape; it couldn’t have been that bad. It was, Danny. It was.
Last duet of the night is Adam and Allison singing Foghat’s “Slow Ride.” It’s great, they’re cute, the judges love it, they win, etc.
Going Home: Danny or Kris. Danny had the “girl screaming in a horror movie” note, which could hurt him. It hurt me! (ba da bum)
MIYO tally: 1, thanks to Paula. She performs tomorrow night, let’s see if she makes that her own!
Ryan starts the show by saying they are “very, very live.”How live? No dress rehearsal live. You can read more on Entertainment Weekly’s recap site (http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/05/american-idol-o.html), but there was some serious drama going on before the cameras rolled. On the upside, that means there could be some blunders, which means hilarity for us!
Up first: Glambert, in full Glambert mode. To borrow a line from Stella on Project Runway: Leathah, leathah, leathah! He sings “Whole Lotta Love,” by Led Zeppelin. Alright, I’ll be honest. I’m not a huge “classic rock” fan, so I don’t really know this song. While Val loved it, I thought we had seen the same “I’m a ROCK STAR” performance at least five times this season. Randy and Kara concur; Adam is a ROCK STAR, etc etc etc. We get it; he is a ROCK STAR and should be making a ROCK STAR album, not a Broadway album. Simon snarked that the performance was a bit understated (hee!) but it would be impossible to top it.
Allison and Ryan sit on the Spinny Stools of Doom, which really could be the Spinny Stools of Doom & Death, because they are beneath a precariously perched “American Idol” globe, which has already fallen once this evening and could fall again. Wouldn’t that make AI so much more interesting? At any point in the night, the stage could just open up and eat a contestant- “My heart will go on and ooooonnnnnnn---noooooo!” I’d pay a dollar to see that.
Allison is singing “Cry Baby,” by Janis Joplin. It’s great, she’s totally rockified out in her outfit (also all black, it’s a theme), and does a great job. Randy, however, wanted to see a more melodic rock song. Paula wants to see her in a biopic of Janis Joplin, but I think Jenna Maroney has that all locked up, right 30 Rock fans? Simon basically says she’s singing karaoke tonight, and didn’t sound original enough. He would have chosen Queen for her, when Allison pipes up and says Queen was not an option. They have a little snark attach with each other, and Allison gets pretty feisty with Simon. On one hand, I worry about him slamming her performance to make Adam more of a lock for the finals, but on the other hand, I think he might be trying to draw her out of her shell and make her more of a personality for the viewers. See, she’s a firecracker! She’s a ROCK STAR!
Kris and Danny team up for their Dueling Duet for the night, singing “Renegade” by Styx. I love the harmonization at the beginning before the rock-ness kicks in. From there...it’s just a’ight. They aren’t really working together, and you get the feeling that they know they are battling each other out for a spot in the final three. I would’ve liked to have seen some elbows thrown, maybe a guitar over the head, or you know, something like that. Either way, the judges basically say it was okay, but not great. Simon thinks Danny did better than Kris, and Kris is all “whaaa?”
Kris’ meet & greet with Slash, Slash hands him a guitar and tells him to play with the band for a while. Kris is clearly awestruck. It’s cute. Kris is singing “Come Together,” by the Beatles and it’s a much stronger performance than we saw last year with the Beatles night (Kristy Lee Cook and “Eight Days a Week,” anyone?). I think Kris has bought off Adam’s lighting guy because he has lighting cues all over the place.
Randy knows Kris isn’t really a hard rocker, but he likes that he picked a song where he can be himself, loved the guitar playing. Kara calls him the Sears of Rock (“the softer side”). Paula thought it was risky to do a Beatles song, but how are the Beatles any risk at all? Anyway, she says he Made It His Own™! Simon thought it was like eating ice for lunch. Do you get the feeling that Simon doesn’t really “get” music, the kind of music that regular people listen to? Country, singer/songwriter stuff, umm, the Beatles? Whatever, Kris, you don’t need them! You rock!
Go Go Gokey: Gokey is totally in jeopardy tonight. His song…it’s not pretty, folks. He may be sporting some scruff, aviator-style Lenscrafters, and other rock accessories, but that does not a rocker make. He’s singing “Dream On,” by Aerosmith, and there’s a very “Adam” style screamy note at the end. He doesn’t hit it, not even close (if you read the EW article above, he doesn’t hit it in the short pre-show taping either). He’s not even on the same field or in the same state as that note.
And yet..Randy gives him an A for effort. Class, what did Randy forget? That this is a SINGING COMPETITION. And what was Danny doing tonight? Not singing, that’s for sure! Kara thought he took last week’s swagger too far, and somehow swaggered the note out of range. Simon said it was like a horror movie. Danny snarks back (lots of snark tonight!) that he’ll need to review the tape; it couldn’t have been that bad. It was, Danny. It was.
Last duet of the night is Adam and Allison singing Foghat’s “Slow Ride.” It’s great, they’re cute, the judges love it, they win, etc.
Going Home: Danny or Kris. Danny had the “girl screaming in a horror movie” note, which could hurt him. It hurt me! (ba da bum)
MIYO tally: 1, thanks to Paula. She performs tomorrow night, let’s see if she makes that her own!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Bottom Three don't mean a thing
OMG, wow, amazing, I can’t believe what a completely awesome results show we had last night! It was so entirely mind-blowing, like the one part where- wait, what? You didn’t watch the results show? You were too busy with, like, your life to tune into an hour of Coke, Ford and “The Soloist” commercials and, oh yeah, someone getting kicked off? You depend solely on my pithy, witty, brilliant recaps to fill you in on the greatest show on television? Huh. In that case, WOW, I can’t believe you missed the Idols doing perfect four part harmonies while ballroom dancing, an actually hilarious Ford commercial, Simon and Ryan hugging and making up after all these years of bickering, and Adam Lambert being in the bottom two. I’m just so shocked that you missed such a marvelous and heart-stopping show last night…
What? You DID watch the show, or read a similarly hilarious recapping website, and most of those things didn’t happen? Well, uhh, okay here’s the deal: I was babysitting last night. For a screaming and clinging child. The more observant readers will note that I have pictures of puppies, not babies, at my desk. This particular baby could sense that I had Very Important Plans at 9 o’clock and tried everything in his arsenal to keep me from paying attention. I thankfully missed the Ford commercial- something with a desert? And a car. There was definitely a car. The baby calmed down JUST in time for Natalie Cole, Taylor Hicks, and Jamie Foxx’s performances. Well played, baby. Well played.
Here’s what I did manage to catch: Ryan obligatorily asks the judges what they think of the competition so far. Simon says it’s the “most wide open competition” ever. Really? Even back when Chris Daughtry was up against Elliott Yamin, Katherine McPhee, Taylor Hicks and that other girl? That seems like a pretty strong bunch right there.
Moving on. Again, the Ford commercial: cars, dancing, a song…Then perhaps the greatest Group Sing EVER. The Idols sing a medley of “It Don’t Mean a Thing” and “I Got Rhythm.” It’s great because: 1. They are actually singing. 2. In tune. 3. Together. and 4. They sound good. It’s a miracle!
Next, there’s some joke about Danny throwing cake batter around and Ryan giving him a “birthday present” for a $6000 maid bill. Is this a euphemism for some other “birthday present” involving a “maid,” Ryan? Because if not, I don’t get it.
Dim the lights….let’s bring out the Idols for the elimination. Ryan calls Matt up first, sends him to the left side, towards the Spinny Stools of the Bottom Three. He puts Danny and Allison on the right side of the stage. Ryan brings up Kris, and the crowd goes wild! But Ryan puts him over with Matt….? Strange. Surely, he’s safe. Right?!?!? Then Ryan brings up Glambert. Ryan asks Adam to pick a side- the clearly better pairing of Allison/Danny, or the only half amazing pair of Kris/Matt.
Way to be a D-bag, Ryan. Adam knows he can’t win here- side with the better group of the two, and he looks like a D-bag, too. But there’s no way he’s with the latter pairing, with Clearly-Going-Home-Matt. Or is he? HE IS. Hold on to your hats, America! Adam is in the Bottom Three. More importantly, to me at least, SO IS KRIS.
America, we need to talk. You’ve saved Allison this week- good on ya! Way to get your head out of your butt. But at the expense of Kris? And, dare I say it, Adam? I don’t even know you anymore, America!
At this point, we are only 20 minutes into the show, so I will spare you the details on the next half hour:
-Natalie Cole needs to eat a sandwich. She is also approximately three feet taller than Ryan.
-Taylor Hicks stopped eating sandwiches, but did not stop that unfortunate dancing of his. Remember when his antics were twee and charming? Me neither.
-Jamie Foxx stole Kanye West’s vocoder and thus “sings” his “number one hit” “song” for a mildly screaming crowd of tweenage girls. I listen to the radio quite a bit, sometimes to channels other than Radio Disney, and yet I have never heard this “song.” He also plugs his schmaltzy movie, out this weekend. Does he play a mutant superhero, out for revenge while brandishing adamantium claws? Then good luck with that!
Back to the Elimination Station- Thankfully, Ryan sends Kris back to the couches, leaving Matt vs. Adam. Gee, I wonder who will go home. And that’s all she wrote for Matt Giraud, back from the brink of elimination two weeks ago thanks to the first ever Judges’ Save. Til we meet again, JT, Jr.!
Out: Matt Giraud/Kim Mezger
Still In it to Win it: Adam (Ryan S.), Allison (Ashley), Kris (Val), Danny (Kelly)
Next week: Slash???
What? You DID watch the show, or read a similarly hilarious recapping website, and most of those things didn’t happen? Well, uhh, okay here’s the deal: I was babysitting last night. For a screaming and clinging child. The more observant readers will note that I have pictures of puppies, not babies, at my desk. This particular baby could sense that I had Very Important Plans at 9 o’clock and tried everything in his arsenal to keep me from paying attention. I thankfully missed the Ford commercial- something with a desert? And a car. There was definitely a car. The baby calmed down JUST in time for Natalie Cole, Taylor Hicks, and Jamie Foxx’s performances. Well played, baby. Well played.
Here’s what I did manage to catch: Ryan obligatorily asks the judges what they think of the competition so far. Simon says it’s the “most wide open competition” ever. Really? Even back when Chris Daughtry was up against Elliott Yamin, Katherine McPhee, Taylor Hicks and that other girl? That seems like a pretty strong bunch right there.
Moving on. Again, the Ford commercial: cars, dancing, a song…Then perhaps the greatest Group Sing EVER. The Idols sing a medley of “It Don’t Mean a Thing” and “I Got Rhythm.” It’s great because: 1. They are actually singing. 2. In tune. 3. Together. and 4. They sound good. It’s a miracle!
Next, there’s some joke about Danny throwing cake batter around and Ryan giving him a “birthday present” for a $6000 maid bill. Is this a euphemism for some other “birthday present” involving a “maid,” Ryan? Because if not, I don’t get it.
Dim the lights….let’s bring out the Idols for the elimination. Ryan calls Matt up first, sends him to the left side, towards the Spinny Stools of the Bottom Three. He puts Danny and Allison on the right side of the stage. Ryan brings up Kris, and the crowd goes wild! But Ryan puts him over with Matt….? Strange. Surely, he’s safe. Right?!?!? Then Ryan brings up Glambert. Ryan asks Adam to pick a side- the clearly better pairing of Allison/Danny, or the only half amazing pair of Kris/Matt.
Way to be a D-bag, Ryan. Adam knows he can’t win here- side with the better group of the two, and he looks like a D-bag, too. But there’s no way he’s with the latter pairing, with Clearly-Going-Home-Matt. Or is he? HE IS. Hold on to your hats, America! Adam is in the Bottom Three. More importantly, to me at least, SO IS KRIS.
America, we need to talk. You’ve saved Allison this week- good on ya! Way to get your head out of your butt. But at the expense of Kris? And, dare I say it, Adam? I don’t even know you anymore, America!
At this point, we are only 20 minutes into the show, so I will spare you the details on the next half hour:
-Natalie Cole needs to eat a sandwich. She is also approximately three feet taller than Ryan.
-Taylor Hicks stopped eating sandwiches, but did not stop that unfortunate dancing of his. Remember when his antics were twee and charming? Me neither.
-Jamie Foxx stole Kanye West’s vocoder and thus “sings” his “number one hit” “song” for a mildly screaming crowd of tweenage girls. I listen to the radio quite a bit, sometimes to channels other than Radio Disney, and yet I have never heard this “song.” He also plugs his schmaltzy movie, out this weekend. Does he play a mutant superhero, out for revenge while brandishing adamantium claws? Then good luck with that!
Back to the Elimination Station- Thankfully, Ryan sends Kris back to the couches, leaving Matt vs. Adam. Gee, I wonder who will go home. And that’s all she wrote for Matt Giraud, back from the brink of elimination two weeks ago thanks to the first ever Judges’ Save. Til we meet again, JT, Jr.!
Out: Matt Giraud/Kim Mezger
Still In it to Win it: Adam (Ryan S.), Allison (Ashley), Kris (Val), Danny (Kelly)
Next week: Slash???
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Now with more... Jamie Foxx??
Aight, dawg, when I heard this night would be mentored by Jamie Foxx, I was like, man, I don’t know if you can pull it off. Ryan can talk all day about how you "transcend the boundaries of the television industry," (really?) but this is not "Sample Hip Hop like Kanye" Night. It’s "Pretend You’re Michael Buble" Night. But, I gotta say, dawg, you worked it out! You Made It Your Own™!
So, tonight’s theme is "Standards Night with the Rat Pack," although we barely even mention the Rat Pack, except that Kris points out they are…ummm…dead. He certainly has a way with words, that Kris. Heart! The Top Five Idols come out on stage, the boys are all sporting jackets and ties (JT, Jr. is, of course, wearing his hat again), and Last Girl Standing Allison is in a formal dress. Kara and Paula are dressed in Old Hollywood glamour- the hair, the makeup, the dresses (Lee commented that Paula is wearing a gift bag, and after further review, I concur). And then there’s Simon…in a black V-neck t-shirt. Oh, Simon.
Kris is up first, unfortunately drawing the Forgettable First Spot. Kris is clearly out to win me over, as he’s singing another of my most favoritest songs EVAR, "The Way You Look Tonight," (again, I have like three versions on my iPod if you need a refresher). In his interview with Jamie Foxx, Jamie tells him he’d love to make an album with him, like right now. He also says "Golly!" which is hilarious, because Jamie Foxx is clearly not a five year old girl, nor an eighty year old man.
As for the singing, it’s not quite up to par with some of the other contestants (sorry, Kris!). Randy says he’s looking to see who’s in it to win it (shoutout Norwood!). Simon says it’s a bit wet, which, what? He then compares Kris to a cocker spaniel. He’s a wet dog? Paula says he’s transformed from the boy next door to a sophisticated gentleman, which is nothing like a wet dog, so...point Paula?
Monday was Allison’s birthday and they surprised her with a party. See, America? She’s a nice, normal teenager. She says she’s too young to have a boyfriend, but oops! She shouldn’t have said that! All together now, how cute! Now freaking vote for her!
She belts out "Someone to Watch Over Me," and everyone, including Jamie Foxx, but excepting Simon, is totally wowed. Randy thought this week would be difficult for her, and she is MAD YOUNG, but she did it in her own Pink-but-with-more-octaves style and Made It Her Own™ (MIYO: 1). Paula had an unbelievably insightful and still coherent comment, telling Allison that her performance had an innocent sensibility that was both alluring and tender. I counted at least four three-syllable words in there. Good job, Paula! Simon again tells Allison that he thinks she’s not in it to win it (Allison disagrees), and that she’s been overshadowed by some of the other personalities. Gee, you think? Could that be…ADAM?
Timberlake Jr. is singing "My Funny Valentine," and I can’t help but think of Chandler and Janice from Friends when this song plays. Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? Matt is still sporting the hat, and is like, totally stoked for this week, man! He studied Jazz in college so he can rock this. Jamie Foxx at first has no suggestions for Matt (not even "lose the hat"??), but then changes his mind and tells him to lower the key. Paula loves this suggestion, but I thought it was too low for him. His opening notes didn’t grab me, and I was totally bored with this until the swell at the end. Simon, on the other hand, thought it was brilliant. Uhh, Simon? Were we watching the same show tonight?
Glasses Gokey is singing "Come Rain or Come Shine." Jamie gets right up in his "grill" during the rehearsal ("Don’t worry, your breath is fresh!") to make him more authentic, or something. Either way, Danny sings the song pretty straight on until the end, when he gets all shouty and bluesy, and it’s the good old Danny we know and like. Randy totally slams Paula’s previous comments to, well, just about everyone, and says to forget trying to forge an emotional connection with the audience- this is a SINGING competition and he can SING. Gee, Randy, I had totally forgotten why we tuned in for three hours a week! So that’s what we’re doing here!
Glambert gets the Pimp Spot, AGAIN. He’s singing "Feelin’ Good," but with, you know, a ROCK edge. Because he is a ROCK STAR and a PERFORMER and doesn’t care that it’s just a SINGING COMPETITION.
Adam must be slipping the lighting tech and camera guys some extra money on the side, because by far and away he gets the best effects on stage: reverse camera shots as he begins to walk down the stairs, blue lights illuminating each stair, spotlights on his guyliner. The band kicks in, in full Broadway mode, as he struts down the stairs to the opening notes. Can we just give him the shiny mirror ball recording contract now? Who on earth can beat him at this point? Not even Kris can Make It His Own™ enough to beat this guy. He is hands down kicking everyone else’s butt here.
Randy can’t get a word in edgewise because the audience is freaking out, but it’s too theatrical for him. Kara calls it "shocking, confusing, superb, sleazy, over the top craziness." You said it, girl. Paula calls it the Olympics and he’s Michael Phelps. Honey, you need your eyes checked.
(not Adam Lambert)
Simon says that he loves Randy saying that Adam is theatrical; because that’s like complaining that a cow moos. Let’s recap. Adam is: Theatrical, Sleazy, Michael Phelps, and a cow.
Going Home: Matt Giraud, if there is any justice in the world. Allison or Kris if there’s not.
MIYO™: 1
SINGING Competition: 1
Oh, Paula! moments: -(2 Coherent Comments) + 1 Gift Bag Dress = -1
So, tonight’s theme is "Standards Night with the Rat Pack," although we barely even mention the Rat Pack, except that Kris points out they are…ummm…dead. He certainly has a way with words, that Kris. Heart! The Top Five Idols come out on stage, the boys are all sporting jackets and ties (JT, Jr. is, of course, wearing his hat again), and Last Girl Standing Allison is in a formal dress. Kara and Paula are dressed in Old Hollywood glamour- the hair, the makeup, the dresses (Lee commented that Paula is wearing a gift bag, and after further review, I concur). And then there’s Simon…in a black V-neck t-shirt. Oh, Simon.
Kris is up first, unfortunately drawing the Forgettable First Spot. Kris is clearly out to win me over, as he’s singing another of my most favoritest songs EVAR, "The Way You Look Tonight," (again, I have like three versions on my iPod if you need a refresher). In his interview with Jamie Foxx, Jamie tells him he’d love to make an album with him, like right now. He also says "Golly!" which is hilarious, because Jamie Foxx is clearly not a five year old girl, nor an eighty year old man.
As for the singing, it’s not quite up to par with some of the other contestants (sorry, Kris!). Randy says he’s looking to see who’s in it to win it (shoutout Norwood!). Simon says it’s a bit wet, which, what? He then compares Kris to a cocker spaniel. He’s a wet dog? Paula says he’s transformed from the boy next door to a sophisticated gentleman, which is nothing like a wet dog, so...point Paula?
Monday was Allison’s birthday and they surprised her with a party. See, America? She’s a nice, normal teenager. She says she’s too young to have a boyfriend, but oops! She shouldn’t have said that! All together now, how cute! Now freaking vote for her!
She belts out "Someone to Watch Over Me," and everyone, including Jamie Foxx, but excepting Simon, is totally wowed. Randy thought this week would be difficult for her, and she is MAD YOUNG, but she did it in her own Pink-but-with-more-octaves style and Made It Her Own™ (MIYO: 1). Paula had an unbelievably insightful and still coherent comment, telling Allison that her performance had an innocent sensibility that was both alluring and tender. I counted at least four three-syllable words in there. Good job, Paula! Simon again tells Allison that he thinks she’s not in it to win it (Allison disagrees), and that she’s been overshadowed by some of the other personalities. Gee, you think? Could that be…ADAM?
Timberlake Jr. is singing "My Funny Valentine," and I can’t help but think of Chandler and Janice from Friends when this song plays. Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? Matt is still sporting the hat, and is like, totally stoked for this week, man! He studied Jazz in college so he can rock this. Jamie Foxx at first has no suggestions for Matt (not even "lose the hat"??), but then changes his mind and tells him to lower the key. Paula loves this suggestion, but I thought it was too low for him. His opening notes didn’t grab me, and I was totally bored with this until the swell at the end. Simon, on the other hand, thought it was brilliant. Uhh, Simon? Were we watching the same show tonight?
Glasses Gokey is singing "Come Rain or Come Shine." Jamie gets right up in his "grill" during the rehearsal ("Don’t worry, your breath is fresh!") to make him more authentic, or something. Either way, Danny sings the song pretty straight on until the end, when he gets all shouty and bluesy, and it’s the good old Danny we know and like. Randy totally slams Paula’s previous comments to, well, just about everyone, and says to forget trying to forge an emotional connection with the audience- this is a SINGING competition and he can SING. Gee, Randy, I had totally forgotten why we tuned in for three hours a week! So that’s what we’re doing here!
Glambert gets the Pimp Spot, AGAIN. He’s singing "Feelin’ Good," but with, you know, a ROCK edge. Because he is a ROCK STAR and a PERFORMER and doesn’t care that it’s just a SINGING COMPETITION.
Adam must be slipping the lighting tech and camera guys some extra money on the side, because by far and away he gets the best effects on stage: reverse camera shots as he begins to walk down the stairs, blue lights illuminating each stair, spotlights on his guyliner. The band kicks in, in full Broadway mode, as he struts down the stairs to the opening notes. Can we just give him the shiny mirror ball recording contract now? Who on earth can beat him at this point? Not even Kris can Make It His Own™ enough to beat this guy. He is hands down kicking everyone else’s butt here.
Randy can’t get a word in edgewise because the audience is freaking out, but it’s too theatrical for him. Kara calls it "shocking, confusing, superb, sleazy, over the top craziness." You said it, girl. Paula calls it the Olympics and he’s Michael Phelps. Honey, you need your eyes checked.
(not Adam Lambert)
Simon says that he loves Randy saying that Adam is theatrical; because that’s like complaining that a cow moos. Let’s recap. Adam is: Theatrical, Sleazy, Michael Phelps, and a cow.
Going Home: Matt Giraud, if there is any justice in the world. Allison or Kris if there’s not.
MIYO™: 1
SINGING Competition: 1
Oh, Paula! moments: -(2 Coherent Comments) + 1 Gift Bag Dress = -1
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Week Seven Elimination: David Archuleta, Disco Medley AND a Double Elimination
Whoa, who saw that coming? Color me surprised. I sat and watched the whole elimination show- despite the mind-numbing tediousness. Luckily I had my dad texting me every five seconds to break up the monotony.
Ryan says: Get ready for a double elimination. The Judges’ Save has already been used, so the judges had nothing to do except show up and collect a paycheck. Paula worked hard for her money- she choreographed the Group Lip Synch number for the Top 7, bell bottoms and all. I have to say, the Paula Crazy Train hasn’t really been pulling into the station this year. She seems pretty coherent (comments about shopping in the women’s department excepted) lately, with the only Oh, Paula! moments coming when she stands up, dancing wildly during the sing offs.
As for the Group Lip Synch…no one hits their lines, but the dancing isn’t half bad. Anoop is again sporting the five o’clock shadow and “disco” threads. Dad says: Anoop looked like George Michael after getting caught in a public bathroom. I say: ZING!
Dim all the lights- let’s see who is in this week’s Bottom 3. A visibly ticked off Lil Rounds is up first. Ryan tells Lil that they need her in the competition, but they also need her to walk to the other end of the stage. No messing around with a Bottom 3, she is OUT.
Time to bring back some disco singers of yore, and….wow. This is…I can’t even recap this, it’s so horrible. There’s pitchiness, a desperate need for foundation garments, and an old white guy trying to get down. The Visa commercial during the next break is better than the whole of the disco medley, and it’s just random people singing “SuperFreak.”
Back to the Elimination Station:
Kris: Safe.
Adam: Duh, safe. Take a seat.Glasses Gokey: Simon hated it, the bloggers thought it was a bit harsh. Gokey meditated on it- and he, like, he gets it, you know? Safe.
Anoop: He’s not at the end of the couch (we know the seating chart drill), so he should be safe…but no! Bottom 3!
Allison and Matt: Matt arranged the song himself, thought he did a great job and he is thankful he got the save last week. This week: America agreed with the judges? What?!? Allison is in the Bottom 3? What is wrong with you America? Did you even watch last night’s show?
We need to talk, America. Allison is adorable- look at her in her jeans and sweater combo, young haircut, and how she sings and skips over to Anoop at the Spinny Stools. How can you keep JT, Jr. in this competition and send her home? She’s young, hip and can SING. We’re broken up, America.
Robot-chuleta performs, and it’s nowhere near as tragic as Kellie Pickler’s performance, but he does miss a big note in the bridge. He does a lot of harmless bouncing as he gives the Idols some advice. Allison hugs him. How can you hate her, America?
Anoop and Allison: Anoop is out. Allison is safe! Phew! America, you’re not such an idiot! Oh, Paula! moment: you can hear her screaming/singing over Anoop’s vocals during his Sing Off.
Ryan plays the Home Sweet Home video package for both, and we’re briefly reminded that Lil was brilliant once upon a time, before she ventured into Karaoke Way. Anoop just seems happy to be going back to Chapel Hill. I’m pretty surprised Matt stays, but I think he’s gone next week.
Out: Anoop (Mike) and Lil (Emily)
In it to Win it: Adam (Ryan), Allison (Ashley), Matt (Kim M), Kris (Val)
Also, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Mom!
Ryan says: Get ready for a double elimination. The Judges’ Save has already been used, so the judges had nothing to do except show up and collect a paycheck. Paula worked hard for her money- she choreographed the Group Lip Synch number for the Top 7, bell bottoms and all. I have to say, the Paula Crazy Train hasn’t really been pulling into the station this year. She seems pretty coherent (comments about shopping in the women’s department excepted) lately, with the only Oh, Paula! moments coming when she stands up, dancing wildly during the sing offs.
As for the Group Lip Synch…no one hits their lines, but the dancing isn’t half bad. Anoop is again sporting the five o’clock shadow and “disco” threads. Dad says: Anoop looked like George Michael after getting caught in a public bathroom. I say: ZING!
Dim all the lights- let’s see who is in this week’s Bottom 3. A visibly ticked off Lil Rounds is up first. Ryan tells Lil that they need her in the competition, but they also need her to walk to the other end of the stage. No messing around with a Bottom 3, she is OUT.
Time to bring back some disco singers of yore, and….wow. This is…I can’t even recap this, it’s so horrible. There’s pitchiness, a desperate need for foundation garments, and an old white guy trying to get down. The Visa commercial during the next break is better than the whole of the disco medley, and it’s just random people singing “SuperFreak.”
Back to the Elimination Station:
Kris: Safe.
Adam: Duh, safe. Take a seat.Glasses Gokey: Simon hated it, the bloggers thought it was a bit harsh. Gokey meditated on it- and he, like, he gets it, you know? Safe.
Anoop: He’s not at the end of the couch (we know the seating chart drill), so he should be safe…but no! Bottom 3!
Allison and Matt: Matt arranged the song himself, thought he did a great job and he is thankful he got the save last week. This week: America agreed with the judges? What?!? Allison is in the Bottom 3? What is wrong with you America? Did you even watch last night’s show?
We need to talk, America. Allison is adorable- look at her in her jeans and sweater combo, young haircut, and how she sings and skips over to Anoop at the Spinny Stools. How can you keep JT, Jr. in this competition and send her home? She’s young, hip and can SING. We’re broken up, America.
Robot-chuleta performs, and it’s nowhere near as tragic as Kellie Pickler’s performance, but he does miss a big note in the bridge. He does a lot of harmless bouncing as he gives the Idols some advice. Allison hugs him. How can you hate her, America?
Anoop and Allison: Anoop is out. Allison is safe! Phew! America, you’re not such an idiot! Oh, Paula! moment: you can hear her screaming/singing over Anoop’s vocals during his Sing Off.
Ryan plays the Home Sweet Home video package for both, and we’re briefly reminded that Lil was brilliant once upon a time, before she ventured into Karaoke Way. Anoop just seems happy to be going back to Chapel Hill. I’m pretty surprised Matt stays, but I think he’s gone next week.
Out: Anoop (Mike) and Lil (Emily)
In it to Win it: Adam (Ryan), Allison (Ashley), Matt (Kim M), Kris (Val)
Also, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Mom!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Week Seven: In case you forgot, this is a SINGING Competition
Welcome Back, Idol fans! Get ready for a historic night in American Idol Season 8 history- the Top 7 perfor---that’s weird. I feel like we’ve done this before. And we have, last week with the same Top 7. Yawn! I left my notes at home, but I can pretty much call this episode without them: Lil is damned if she does, damned if she don’t, Adam can do no wrong, Kris has the best performance of the night, etc. etc. See, I don’t even need to watch the show anymore (let alone take four pages of notes that I left on the couch for the dogs to eat)!
Seacrest lets us know once again that it is Disco Night, but two contestants will go home Wednesday night. Also, “Disco” means “Donna Summer” songs, as we have three, count ‘em, three tonight. I hope girl is getting paid for this, b/c she performed at last year’s finale and it….was not pretty.
We roll right into Lil Rounds’ performance- no videotape package, no schmaltzy banter. Bravo, Idol! Maybe this show will come in on time for once. We also get to hear from each of the judges again, instead of just Randy/Kara and Paula/Simon. This is not good news for Lil, singing Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman.” Lil is looking pretty great in long hair, less glitter-tastic makeup, and an outfit that hides her ample assets, for once. It still needs a bit of work- as Joy points out, it’s still a jumpsuit, but at least it’s not a studded tank top that could poke your eye out. Lil’s performance was decent, nowhere near last week’s trainwreck, although she cribs quite a bit from Chaka and Whitney. The judges, however, are not amused. Kara points out that Lil has been every woman on stage during this performance; every woman but herself. That’s, like, totally deep, Kara! Sad faced Lil can’t win- she’s not a seasoned performer like Kris or Adam, and can’t mix it up enough to get the judges on her side. However, she does have VoteForTheWorst behind her- she needs to beat out two others, though, to stay in this thing. She knows that American holds her fate in their hands- they dial, they vote, they can keep her in this thing!
Kris sings Donna Summers’ “She Works Hard for the Money,” a song about…a woman…who works hard for her money. Well put, Kris! He does a great acoustic version of this song, guitar, bongos, etc. Kara tells him he took a big risk slowing it down, ditching the disco feel, but it paid off. Paula chimes in, first, that it has a Santana feel, then delves into comedy gold: She knows a lot of women who go shopping in the men’s department, but very few men who go shopping in the women’s department. Oh, Paula! Simon doesn’t care if Kris is buying women’s underpants (Kris shrugs, whatevs, he’s cool like that), but he loved Kris’ originality, and he’s a contender in this competition. Heck yeah, he is!
Go Go Gokey brings the first real “disco” flava to the night w/ some Earth Wind and Fire’s “September.” Awkward white boy dancing, some backup singers who may be singing better than he, great taste, less filling. Here’s the thing: Danny has a great voice. And as Randy constantly points out, this is a SINGING competition (and yet they praise the theatrics of Adam weekly, but I digress), and dude, Danny can SING. But for me, dawg, every song of his sounds the same. I like Danny, but he’s got to bring it next week or my boy Kris is mopping the floor with him.
I was very concerned when Ryan announced that Allison would be singing “Hot Stuff,” which is so much more of an Adam song - potential for lots of screaming, dancing around the stage, campiness, the list goes on. I have no idea what Allison was wearing- a straight jacket, moon shoes? Irregardless, she does a great job with a slightly more rockified, and still completely age-inappropriate, version of the song. The judges don’t love the arrangement, and Randy even calls it “over-indulgent,” which is the new “made it your own,” but they still love her singing. Why? Because this is a…wait for it….SINGING Competition.
Next up, someone who DOES shop in the women’s department, Adam Lambert:
Seacrest lets us know once again that it is Disco Night, but two contestants will go home Wednesday night. Also, “Disco” means “Donna Summer” songs, as we have three, count ‘em, three tonight. I hope girl is getting paid for this, b/c she performed at last year’s finale and it….was not pretty.
We roll right into Lil Rounds’ performance- no videotape package, no schmaltzy banter. Bravo, Idol! Maybe this show will come in on time for once. We also get to hear from each of the judges again, instead of just Randy/Kara and Paula/Simon. This is not good news for Lil, singing Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman.” Lil is looking pretty great in long hair, less glitter-tastic makeup, and an outfit that hides her ample assets, for once. It still needs a bit of work- as Joy points out, it’s still a jumpsuit, but at least it’s not a studded tank top that could poke your eye out. Lil’s performance was decent, nowhere near last week’s trainwreck, although she cribs quite a bit from Chaka and Whitney. The judges, however, are not amused. Kara points out that Lil has been every woman on stage during this performance; every woman but herself. That’s, like, totally deep, Kara! Sad faced Lil can’t win- she’s not a seasoned performer like Kris or Adam, and can’t mix it up enough to get the judges on her side. However, she does have VoteForTheWorst behind her- she needs to beat out two others, though, to stay in this thing. She knows that American holds her fate in their hands- they dial, they vote, they can keep her in this thing!
Kris sings Donna Summers’ “She Works Hard for the Money,” a song about…a woman…who works hard for her money. Well put, Kris! He does a great acoustic version of this song, guitar, bongos, etc. Kara tells him he took a big risk slowing it down, ditching the disco feel, but it paid off. Paula chimes in, first, that it has a Santana feel, then delves into comedy gold: She knows a lot of women who go shopping in the men’s department, but very few men who go shopping in the women’s department. Oh, Paula! Simon doesn’t care if Kris is buying women’s underpants (Kris shrugs, whatevs, he’s cool like that), but he loved Kris’ originality, and he’s a contender in this competition. Heck yeah, he is!
Go Go Gokey brings the first real “disco” flava to the night w/ some Earth Wind and Fire’s “September.” Awkward white boy dancing, some backup singers who may be singing better than he, great taste, less filling. Here’s the thing: Danny has a great voice. And as Randy constantly points out, this is a SINGING competition (and yet they praise the theatrics of Adam weekly, but I digress), and dude, Danny can SING. But for me, dawg, every song of his sounds the same. I like Danny, but he’s got to bring it next week or my boy Kris is mopping the floor with him.
I was very concerned when Ryan announced that Allison would be singing “Hot Stuff,” which is so much more of an Adam song - potential for lots of screaming, dancing around the stage, campiness, the list goes on. I have no idea what Allison was wearing- a straight jacket, moon shoes? Irregardless, she does a great job with a slightly more rockified, and still completely age-inappropriate, version of the song. The judges don’t love the arrangement, and Randy even calls it “over-indulgent,” which is the new “made it your own,” but they still love her singing. Why? Because this is a…wait for it….SINGING Competition.
Next up, someone who DOES shop in the women’s department, Adam Lambert:
(courtesy Perez, via Ashley D.)
I kid, I kid. But seriously folks, this is the serious side of Adam. We’re not Glammin’ for Adam this week. There’s no Glambert to be found. He’s singing a serious song with a serious voice, a serious suit, and a serious need of a haircut. Seriously? Yes. I had to go on iTunes this morning (Ryan would be so proud!) to see what the original version of “If I Can’t Have You,” from Saturday Night Fever, sounded like. Oh, that song! You’d know it if you heard it. I’ll give you a hint: If I can’t have you, ooo ooo oooooo! Despite my supreme Hateration for Adam, he did a completely new and interesting version of this disco song, and Made It His Own™. The judges love it, even Simon says it’s brillz, original, and immaculate. There’s no question this kid is in the finals. The only question is, who’s with him?
Not Matt Giraud, aka JT, Jr. Hat? Check. Skinny tie? Check. Leather jacket? Falsetto range? Dance biscuits? Check, check, check. Let’s be honest- the judges fault Lil because she dresses and sounds exactly like Tina Turner, Chaka Khan, Whitney, etc., every week, but when Matt Giraud clones Justin Timberlake, it’s okay? It doesn’t really matter, he’s going home tonight no matter what. He sang “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Bee Gees, and while Paula loves it and insists he is staying in the competition, Simon disagrees. I think Matt knows he got the Judges Save last week by sheer luck and pluck, but he’s not making it into the Top 5.
I kid, I kid. But seriously folks, this is the serious side of Adam. We’re not Glammin’ for Adam this week. There’s no Glambert to be found. He’s singing a serious song with a serious voice, a serious suit, and a serious need of a haircut. Seriously? Yes. I had to go on iTunes this morning (Ryan would be so proud!) to see what the original version of “If I Can’t Have You,” from Saturday Night Fever, sounded like. Oh, that song! You’d know it if you heard it. I’ll give you a hint: If I can’t have you, ooo ooo oooooo! Despite my supreme Hateration for Adam, he did a completely new and interesting version of this disco song, and Made It His Own™. The judges love it, even Simon says it’s brillz, original, and immaculate. There’s no question this kid is in the finals. The only question is, who’s with him?
Not Matt Giraud, aka JT, Jr. Hat? Check. Skinny tie? Check. Leather jacket? Falsetto range? Dance biscuits? Check, check, check. Let’s be honest- the judges fault Lil because she dresses and sounds exactly like Tina Turner, Chaka Khan, Whitney, etc., every week, but when Matt Giraud clones Justin Timberlake, it’s okay? It doesn’t really matter, he’s going home tonight no matter what. He sang “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Bee Gees, and while Paula loves it and insists he is staying in the competition, Simon disagrees. I think Matt knows he got the Judges Save last week by sheer luck and pluck, but he’s not making it into the Top 5.
Justin Timberlake or Matt Giraud??
Scruffing it up a bit, Anoop Dogg has the pimp spot and is singing a slightly R&B’d up version of “Dim All the Lights.” Kinda. It’s got an R&B beat, but the vocals are more Lite Rock 97. He also totally flubs the last note (lucky for him they use the dress rehearsal version where he nails it in the phone number recap video). Randy, again, ever the original, tells Anoop that this is a SINGING competition (for everyone but Adam) and that, YO, he can SING. Yes, Randy, WE GET IT. Paula loves a man who can wear pink, loves his smile, and oh yeah, he can sing. Simon was watching a completely different show tonight, because he thought it was mediocre and Anoop’s worst performance yet. Was it “True Colors?” No. Did he have room to improve? Yes. Is he going home? Eh, maybe.
And the show ends on time, tonight, for the first time in weeks! Tomorrow, Archuletta sings- will he sing from the Teenage Girl Zombie Wasteland Pit of Doom? Who goes to the spinny stools? We find out….tonight!
Who’s Out: Lil and Matt
MIYO count: 0
SINGING Competition count: 4
Scruffing it up a bit, Anoop Dogg has the pimp spot and is singing a slightly R&B’d up version of “Dim All the Lights.” Kinda. It’s got an R&B beat, but the vocals are more Lite Rock 97. He also totally flubs the last note (lucky for him they use the dress rehearsal version where he nails it in the phone number recap video). Randy, again, ever the original, tells Anoop that this is a SINGING competition (for everyone but Adam) and that, YO, he can SING. Yes, Randy, WE GET IT. Paula loves a man who can wear pink, loves his smile, and oh yeah, he can sing. Simon was watching a completely different show tonight, because he thought it was mediocre and Anoop’s worst performance yet. Was it “True Colors?” No. Did he have room to improve? Yes. Is he going home? Eh, maybe.
And the show ends on time, tonight, for the first time in weeks! Tomorrow, Archuletta sings- will he sing from the Teenage Girl Zombie Wasteland Pit of Doom? Who goes to the spinny stools? We find out….tonight!
Who’s Out: Lil and Matt
MIYO count: 0
SINGING Competition count: 4
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Week Six Elimination: Maniacs, I tell ya, Maniacs
And we’re back for the elimination show! Seven Idols left…who will it be?
I always manage to turn Idol on late on Wednesdays, so I’ve sadly missed the Pimp my Ford Ride commercials for four or five weeks, but I caught tonight’s. And yet, I wish I hadn’t.
Group Sing- Paula and Kara are super pumped (super pumped for the whole show, really, are they drunk? Clearly Paula is every week. Is Kara?) for the song- “Maniac” from Flashdance. Every Idol gets a solo and I have to say Matt was pretty terrific in it. This is the first time I’ve seen him where he had some lead singer charisma. Then there’s Adam, making dirty eyes at America from the balcony. Eww. Sorry Val, I’m not Glammin’ for Adam.
To continue to movie theme/shilling for corporate America, the Idols go to a real life movie premiere! They go to see “Big,” starring Tom Hanks and…wait, this looks like “Big.” It sounds like “Big.” It’s not “Big?” No, it’s “17 Again,” which is like “Big,” but now with more High School Musical dance numbers. We cut back to the studio, again the Idols are hamming it up, “zOMG! We saw Zac Efron!” He’s in the audience, too….he didn’t have time to shower? National television, promoting your new movie which is certain to be comedy gold, and…you can’t take five minutes to shower? I realize his hair probably takes longer than mine to style in the morning, but I’m sure Adam would have volunteered to help him out.
And finally- dim the lights, it’s time to send someone to the Spinny Chairs!
Allison: Safe.
Adam: Obvs safe. There is also a Rocky Horror joke (again, would be AWESOME).
Anoop: Ryan talks to him about being in the bottom three before, will he be there again….Anoop is clearly annoyed at the Safe/Not Safe banter. Here is what my dad texted me: “What Anoop was really saying: Come on Ryan, quit (messing) me around, you little (can we say “prick” on work email?).” And Anoop is….Bottom 3.
JHud sings some slow ballad, and you know everyone is thinking about the elephant in the room, though it is not brought up. Irregardless, who doesn’t love Jennifer Hudson? She has such shiny hair!
Kris: Simon butts in to tell Kris that they didn’t get a chance to talk last night, but Kris was brilliant. Naturally! Ryan says he can sit down, and Kris does this super cute thing, Here? Or in the Spinny Chairs of Doom? Awwwww.
Lil: Bottom 3. No surprise.
Matt and Danny: We get a Made It Your Own™ tonight! And the look on Danny’s face when he momentarily thinks he’s out before Ryan says, “You are…………………safe.” is priceless. You know Danny is thinking, “ME? Out? No way, I’m way better than the rest of these poor young schmucks!”
Matt, Lil and Anoop hit center stage, and Anoop is safe, and lives to sing tender ballads another week.
Miley Cyrus sings some big song from her new movie- there are prom dresses, guys in hats, lots of billowing smoke, and a whole lotta off-key singing. Dad called her a robot- “You can see the power pack on her back!” So true, so true. Ryan sends us to the break but…..the cameras don’t stop rolling. Nice one, Ry.
Bottom two: Lil and Matt. Ryan has kind of mean streak in him, because he asks Simon- the least lovable judge of the bunch- if he would use a Judges’ Save tonight on one of the contestants. Simon says they might, but not on the one you’d expect. Ryan says, “So that’d be Lil?” Simon, “Yes.” Good luck, Matt. You can kiss that save goodbye! Or can he??? America has voted: Lil is safe, and Matt has to sing to save his spot. Kara and Paula sway wildly to the song, Paula does a lasso move to Matt…it’s weird. Matt does a much better job singing without the piano and the bad orchestration, although he does wander down into the Mosh Pit of Despair. Much conferring on the part of the judges- Randy, Paula and Kara clearly want to use their save tonight, but Simon brings them crashing down by telling Matt he doesn’t have a shot in heck to win this competition, why should they waste it on him? And yet, Simon tells Matt that he has good news, he’s safe for one more week (then clearly he and Lil are going packing).
Simon wraps us the show thusly: The first piece of bad news- two people go home next week. Second piece of bad news- Next week is Disco Week.”
AWESOME. Bring it on!
I always manage to turn Idol on late on Wednesdays, so I’ve sadly missed the Pimp my Ford Ride commercials for four or five weeks, but I caught tonight’s. And yet, I wish I hadn’t.
Group Sing- Paula and Kara are super pumped (super pumped for the whole show, really, are they drunk? Clearly Paula is every week. Is Kara?) for the song- “Maniac” from Flashdance. Every Idol gets a solo and I have to say Matt was pretty terrific in it. This is the first time I’ve seen him where he had some lead singer charisma. Then there’s Adam, making dirty eyes at America from the balcony. Eww. Sorry Val, I’m not Glammin’ for Adam.
To continue to movie theme/shilling for corporate America, the Idols go to a real life movie premiere! They go to see “Big,” starring Tom Hanks and…wait, this looks like “Big.” It sounds like “Big.” It’s not “Big?” No, it’s “17 Again,” which is like “Big,” but now with more High School Musical dance numbers. We cut back to the studio, again the Idols are hamming it up, “zOMG! We saw Zac Efron!” He’s in the audience, too….he didn’t have time to shower? National television, promoting your new movie which is certain to be comedy gold, and…you can’t take five minutes to shower? I realize his hair probably takes longer than mine to style in the morning, but I’m sure Adam would have volunteered to help him out.
And finally- dim the lights, it’s time to send someone to the Spinny Chairs!
Allison: Safe.
Adam: Obvs safe. There is also a Rocky Horror joke (again, would be AWESOME).
Anoop: Ryan talks to him about being in the bottom three before, will he be there again….Anoop is clearly annoyed at the Safe/Not Safe banter. Here is what my dad texted me: “What Anoop was really saying: Come on Ryan, quit (messing) me around, you little (can we say “prick” on work email?).” And Anoop is….Bottom 3.
JHud sings some slow ballad, and you know everyone is thinking about the elephant in the room, though it is not brought up. Irregardless, who doesn’t love Jennifer Hudson? She has such shiny hair!
Kris: Simon butts in to tell Kris that they didn’t get a chance to talk last night, but Kris was brilliant. Naturally! Ryan says he can sit down, and Kris does this super cute thing, Here? Or in the Spinny Chairs of Doom? Awwwww.
Lil: Bottom 3. No surprise.
Matt and Danny: We get a Made It Your Own™ tonight! And the look on Danny’s face when he momentarily thinks he’s out before Ryan says, “You are…………………safe.” is priceless. You know Danny is thinking, “ME? Out? No way, I’m way better than the rest of these poor young schmucks!”
Matt, Lil and Anoop hit center stage, and Anoop is safe, and lives to sing tender ballads another week.
Miley Cyrus sings some big song from her new movie- there are prom dresses, guys in hats, lots of billowing smoke, and a whole lotta off-key singing. Dad called her a robot- “You can see the power pack on her back!” So true, so true. Ryan sends us to the break but…..the cameras don’t stop rolling. Nice one, Ry.
Bottom two: Lil and Matt. Ryan has kind of mean streak in him, because he asks Simon- the least lovable judge of the bunch- if he would use a Judges’ Save tonight on one of the contestants. Simon says they might, but not on the one you’d expect. Ryan says, “So that’d be Lil?” Simon, “Yes.” Good luck, Matt. You can kiss that save goodbye! Or can he??? America has voted: Lil is safe, and Matt has to sing to save his spot. Kara and Paula sway wildly to the song, Paula does a lasso move to Matt…it’s weird. Matt does a much better job singing without the piano and the bad orchestration, although he does wander down into the Mosh Pit of Despair. Much conferring on the part of the judges- Randy, Paula and Kara clearly want to use their save tonight, but Simon brings them crashing down by telling Matt he doesn’t have a shot in heck to win this competition, why should they waste it on him? And yet, Simon tells Matt that he has good news, he’s safe for one more week (then clearly he and Lil are going packing).
Simon wraps us the show thusly: The first piece of bad news- two people go home next week. Second piece of bad news- Next week is Disco Week.”
AWESOME. Bring it on!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Week Six: Are you read for Movie Night, America?
Because Ryan is! He tells us that girls talk too much and that’s why the show ran over last week, so instead, this week, only two judges can critique any one contestant. Oh, Ryan! Stop macking on the contestants (he later asks Anoop if he sang the song to a special someone…you know Ryan wants to be that special someone!) and the show would be half as long.
And now onto the theme….A Night at The Movies. It’s like Prom! Except with creepy Quentin Tarantino. Taking a page from Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers: Really, American Idol, really? Because when I think “movie theme music,” I definitely think Quentin Tarantino. Forget John Williams, Randy Newman, Alan Menken, Diane Warren, anyone with a song on tonight’s show, or anyone who can actually sing. Bonus moment: Combover much?
First up, Allison Iraheta singing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” from Armageddon. This is one of my least favorite songs ever but I thought she did a’ight. Paula compared her to Adam’s special sauce (barbeque!) and Simon says she’s the girls’ only hope to win this thing. Sorry Lil!
I had the same reaction Randy did to Anoop Dogg singing “Everything I Do (I Do It For You) (yeah, I know the parenthetical title!).” I am not ashamed to admit I know this song by heart and have loved it since seventh grade, so when I heard Anoop was going to try to match soulful singer/guitarist/rocker/Canadian Bryan Adams’ performance, I thought, “NO WAY!” But he worked it out! Randy began to say that Anoop Made It His Own™ but stopped just short.
Made It Your Own™ tally: .5
Stage lights? Check. Tight pants? Check. Guy liner? Check. Must be Adam Lambert! He camps up “Born to Be Wild” from Easy Rider, and Simon compares it to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which? WOULD BE AWESOME. Here’s the thing though, dawg, I would have really liked to see Adam take a non-campified song like “Everything I Do” and mix it up. Anyone could take “Born to Be Wild,” throw on some leather pants, flash the stage lights around, stick their tongue out, and dazzle Simon (not that the other milquetoast contestants on this show have the cajones to do that, but I digress…). But I want to see Adam really Make It His Own™!
The teaser for After The Break shows Matt Giraud standing down in the Mosh Pit of the crowd, also known as You Will Be in the Bottom Three if You Sing From Here Pit. But wait! He instead plays the piano for another Bryan Adams song, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” It starts out awesome, and I’m like, ooooh, I likee! But then the band comes in and he sucks and then there’s a high note….It’s not good. I left my notes at home so I don’t know what the judges said, but I’m pretty sure Simon was making faces at Kara while she was politely telling him it sucked. See? It’s funny when only two judges talk and the one who REALLY hated it can’t say anything at all!
Go Go Gokey does a mediocre performance of “Endless Love,” and we get a Make It Your Own™ …but for someone from last season! Burn! Simon says that when David Cook did a song like that year, he made it a David Cook song, not just a pretty song. But clearly they love Danny and want him in the finals so they tell him he’s adorable without glasses, looks like he’s lost weight, and let him go on his merry way. Most of that is true.
Made It Your Own™ tally: 1.5
Be still my heart, what is Kris singing? “Falling Slowly,” an amazing but unknown ballad from the amazingly talented Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova? What, you missed it at last year’s Oscars? It’s okay, I have three versions on my iPod. Go Kris! (Full disclosure: I wish he would have done this a capella because it would have been better than the weird swell of the orchestra, but Kris can do no wrong with me.) Randy thought it was just okay, but Kara knows where it’s at and loved it. Yay!
Oh, Lil. This sucked from the minute you started singing and you knew it. You could see the tears in her over-glittered eyes as she realized she was off-key, off-tempo, and drowning in a sea of suck. Simon spared nothing in his critique of Lil- but she was having none of it. She snarked back about how she tried to make it her own (lil R&B, lil gospel, lot of suck), even though it was a (GASP) Bette Midler song. Girl….do not diss Bette. I have seen her in person (tenth row!) and she will cut you. Just sayin’.
The show runs over yet again, even with half the snark. Tomorrow night? Lil goes home, fo’ sho.
And now onto the theme….A Night at The Movies. It’s like Prom! Except with creepy Quentin Tarantino. Taking a page from Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers: Really, American Idol, really? Because when I think “movie theme music,” I definitely think Quentin Tarantino. Forget John Williams, Randy Newman, Alan Menken, Diane Warren, anyone with a song on tonight’s show, or anyone who can actually sing. Bonus moment: Combover much?
First up, Allison Iraheta singing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” from Armageddon. This is one of my least favorite songs ever but I thought she did a’ight. Paula compared her to Adam’s special sauce (barbeque!) and Simon says she’s the girls’ only hope to win this thing. Sorry Lil!
I had the same reaction Randy did to Anoop Dogg singing “Everything I Do (I Do It For You) (yeah, I know the parenthetical title!).” I am not ashamed to admit I know this song by heart and have loved it since seventh grade, so when I heard Anoop was going to try to match soulful singer/guitarist/rocker/Canadian Bryan Adams’ performance, I thought, “NO WAY!” But he worked it out! Randy began to say that Anoop Made It His Own™ but stopped just short.
Made It Your Own™ tally: .5
Stage lights? Check. Tight pants? Check. Guy liner? Check. Must be Adam Lambert! He camps up “Born to Be Wild” from Easy Rider, and Simon compares it to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which? WOULD BE AWESOME. Here’s the thing though, dawg, I would have really liked to see Adam take a non-campified song like “Everything I Do” and mix it up. Anyone could take “Born to Be Wild,” throw on some leather pants, flash the stage lights around, stick their tongue out, and dazzle Simon (not that the other milquetoast contestants on this show have the cajones to do that, but I digress…). But I want to see Adam really Make It His Own™!
The teaser for After The Break shows Matt Giraud standing down in the Mosh Pit of the crowd, also known as You Will Be in the Bottom Three if You Sing From Here Pit. But wait! He instead plays the piano for another Bryan Adams song, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” It starts out awesome, and I’m like, ooooh, I likee! But then the band comes in and he sucks and then there’s a high note….It’s not good. I left my notes at home so I don’t know what the judges said, but I’m pretty sure Simon was making faces at Kara while she was politely telling him it sucked. See? It’s funny when only two judges talk and the one who REALLY hated it can’t say anything at all!
Go Go Gokey does a mediocre performance of “Endless Love,” and we get a Make It Your Own™ …but for someone from last season! Burn! Simon says that when David Cook did a song like that year, he made it a David Cook song, not just a pretty song. But clearly they love Danny and want him in the finals so they tell him he’s adorable without glasses, looks like he’s lost weight, and let him go on his merry way. Most of that is true.
Made It Your Own™ tally: 1.5
Be still my heart, what is Kris singing? “Falling Slowly,” an amazing but unknown ballad from the amazingly talented Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova? What, you missed it at last year’s Oscars? It’s okay, I have three versions on my iPod. Go Kris! (Full disclosure: I wish he would have done this a capella because it would have been better than the weird swell of the orchestra, but Kris can do no wrong with me.) Randy thought it was just okay, but Kara knows where it’s at and loved it. Yay!
Oh, Lil. This sucked from the minute you started singing and you knew it. You could see the tears in her over-glittered eyes as she realized she was off-key, off-tempo, and drowning in a sea of suck. Simon spared nothing in his critique of Lil- but she was having none of it. She snarked back about how she tried to make it her own (lil R&B, lil gospel, lot of suck), even though it was a (GASP) Bette Midler song. Girl….do not diss Bette. I have seen her in person (tenth row!) and she will cut you. Just sayin’.
The show runs over yet again, even with half the snark. Tomorrow night? Lil goes home, fo’ sho.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
a note from a coworker
We have an American Idol pool at work- last year, I started writing pithy recaps on Thursday to alert everyone to who had gotten kicked off, and who was still in the competition. I started again this year, during the Top 36, but kind of half-assed it, because, well, I have a life and can't always be home on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. This was UNACCEPTABLE. To wit:
Dear Laura B:
I was very excited to find out that you were repeating your American Idol pool this year, and eagerly paid my dues and selected my contestant.
However, I have to admit that I am sorely disappointed in the lack of witty updates which made this contest so interesting in previous years.
Half the fun of the competition, especially for those of us who picked losers, was reading your humorous recaps each week after the votes were announced.
I sincerely hope you reconsider you decision to cease your updates.
If not, I may have to reconsider taking part in the pool again in the future.
Best regards,
-concerned coworker
So if there are a few weeks missing here or there, that's why. I have rectified this egregious error and am writing recaps weekly from now on!
Dear Laura B:
I was very excited to find out that you were repeating your American Idol pool this year, and eagerly paid my dues and selected my contestant.
However, I have to admit that I am sorely disappointed in the lack of witty updates which made this contest so interesting in previous years.
Half the fun of the competition, especially for those of us who picked losers, was reading your humorous recaps each week after the votes were announced.
I sincerely hope you reconsider you decision to cease your updates.
If not, I may have to reconsider taking part in the pool again in the future.
Best regards,
-concerned coworker
So if there are a few weeks missing here or there, that's why. I have rectified this egregious error and am writing recaps weekly from now on!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Week Five: The search is over for the world's worst contestant
It has been brought to my attention that I may have (again) been a bit remiss in my hilarious-recap-writing duties. I apologize for this oversight! It seemed more prudent to do some work, umm….at work, than to fritter away some hours on American Idol. Also, my girl got kicked off two weeks ago and I am still bitter. Alexis, you rock, girl!
Tuesday night:
Elite 8! Go Tarheels! No, wait. I had Louisville vs. Oklahoma, so the Tarheels can suck it.
The theme for the night was singing songs from the year the contestants were born. Go Go Gokey went first, as he is the ancient one of the group, a whopping 29 years old this month. Did anyone else feel crazy old during this theme week? Danny sang a cover version of “Stand By Me.” The judges like it, he made it his own, etc.
My Future Boyfriend Kris sang “All She Wants To Do is Dance,” while dancing in the Idol Mosh Pit down front. Did he learn nothing from Matt Giraud’s misstep in this arena? That singing/playing your instrument while surrounded by teenage girls is not only illegal, but something the judges despise? Silly Kris. I fear you are going home Wednesday night! Don’t leave me!
Lil Rounds clears up some misconceptions on her name (not short for “Little”) and looks rocking in a Tina Turner get-up, which means she’s singing some Tina this week. The judges, however, hate it. Paula calls it “beautiful karaoke.” Ouch. She looks piiiiiiiiissed. Do not cross Lil Rounds. Just sayin’.
Ryan brings Anoop up on stage, and after much “go NC!-ing” between the two (yeah right, Ryan, like you picked them in your bracket), he apologizes to Kara for acting like a smug brat last week. Which is out of the ordinary how? He does bust out some Cyndi Lauper with “True Colors,” although I wished he’d gone all a capella like Andy Bernard would have. But again, he made it his own, one of the best of the night, etc etc.
Scott comes up and does a horrible, very blind interpretation of “The Search is Over.” Is this a hair band song? They politely tell him that he sucked.
Next up: Allison Iraheta, born in 1992, sings a completely age-inappropriate song by Reba McIntyre, but again “made it her own.” I need to have a “Made it Your Own” tally going. Tally: 6 (3 who did, 3 who were told they did not)
The show is running perilously close to 9pm, and keep in mind I watched AI while cycling/ellipticalling at the gym Tuesday night so I was freaking exhausted by the time the whole show finished. I will admit that I skipped Matt Giraud’s performance to watch some Biggest Loser, but apparently it was Fantastic! Amazing! And He Made It His Own! (MIYO:7)
Then, after one final break, He Who Shall Not Be Named came out and gave another wacky (I say, indulgent) performance, this time of “Mad World.” I will point out that he did not entirely make it his own, b/c this version is in Donnie Darko and it’s not like he pulled it out of his own (glittery guy-linered) hat. Simon gave it a standing ovation. He also looks like he wants to make out with Adam, and you can see the dollar signs from future record sales cha-chinging in his eyes.
Wednesday Night:
Remember when the elimination show was half an hour long, and they only had, like, two “after the breaks” to deal with? Now we have ten. I’ll admit, I was doing the dishes during most of this episode (there were that many), but it included:
-Frankie Avalon singing???? Does anyone even know who Frankie Avalon is, besides that one time he was on Full House back in the day?
-Behind the Scenes: Making of a Ford Commercial
-Ford Commercial
-Flo Rida “singing,” by which I truly mean, “pimping his album and tour.” Also, I really thought his name was pronounced Flow-Reeeda, like the state, until, like, this morning.
-Kellie Pickler singing, along with unhilarious antics (Calimari! High Heels!)
-And oh yeah, someone got eliminated.
Adam was clearly safe, despite the show running over and his Idol phone# not being on TV. Kris was on the bubble, but phew! Lives to sing again. Anoop was in the bottom three, as was Scott and Lil. What, Lil?!? Didn’t everyone pick her to win?
Lil is safe, Anoop is safe, but Scott is going home. He does a slightly less awkward, and thankfully, electric guitar-less performance of his song, and the judges debate for about five minutes whether or not to keep him. Clearly, Paula and Kara love him, but in the end, Simon mercifully pulls the plug and cuts him loose. Stay classy, Scott!
Out: Scott
Still in: Adam, Allison Iraheta, Anoop, Danny Gokey, Kris Allen, Lil Rounds, Matt Giraud
MIYO(TM) count: 7
Tuesday night:
Elite 8! Go Tarheels! No, wait. I had Louisville vs. Oklahoma, so the Tarheels can suck it.
The theme for the night was singing songs from the year the contestants were born. Go Go Gokey went first, as he is the ancient one of the group, a whopping 29 years old this month. Did anyone else feel crazy old during this theme week? Danny sang a cover version of “Stand By Me.” The judges like it, he made it his own, etc.
My Future Boyfriend Kris sang “All She Wants To Do is Dance,” while dancing in the Idol Mosh Pit down front. Did he learn nothing from Matt Giraud’s misstep in this arena? That singing/playing your instrument while surrounded by teenage girls is not only illegal, but something the judges despise? Silly Kris. I fear you are going home Wednesday night! Don’t leave me!
Lil Rounds clears up some misconceptions on her name (not short for “Little”) and looks rocking in a Tina Turner get-up, which means she’s singing some Tina this week. The judges, however, hate it. Paula calls it “beautiful karaoke.” Ouch. She looks piiiiiiiiissed. Do not cross Lil Rounds. Just sayin’.
Ryan brings Anoop up on stage, and after much “go NC!-ing” between the two (yeah right, Ryan, like you picked them in your bracket), he apologizes to Kara for acting like a smug brat last week. Which is out of the ordinary how? He does bust out some Cyndi Lauper with “True Colors,” although I wished he’d gone all a capella like Andy Bernard would have. But again, he made it his own, one of the best of the night, etc etc.
Scott comes up and does a horrible, very blind interpretation of “The Search is Over.” Is this a hair band song? They politely tell him that he sucked.
Next up: Allison Iraheta, born in 1992, sings a completely age-inappropriate song by Reba McIntyre, but again “made it her own.” I need to have a “Made it Your Own” tally going. Tally: 6 (3 who did, 3 who were told they did not)
The show is running perilously close to 9pm, and keep in mind I watched AI while cycling/ellipticalling at the gym Tuesday night so I was freaking exhausted by the time the whole show finished. I will admit that I skipped Matt Giraud’s performance to watch some Biggest Loser, but apparently it was Fantastic! Amazing! And He Made It His Own! (MIYO:7)
Then, after one final break, He Who Shall Not Be Named came out and gave another wacky (I say, indulgent) performance, this time of “Mad World.” I will point out that he did not entirely make it his own, b/c this version is in Donnie Darko and it’s not like he pulled it out of his own (glittery guy-linered) hat. Simon gave it a standing ovation. He also looks like he wants to make out with Adam, and you can see the dollar signs from future record sales cha-chinging in his eyes.
Wednesday Night:
Remember when the elimination show was half an hour long, and they only had, like, two “after the breaks” to deal with? Now we have ten. I’ll admit, I was doing the dishes during most of this episode (there were that many), but it included:
-Frankie Avalon singing???? Does anyone even know who Frankie Avalon is, besides that one time he was on Full House back in the day?
-Behind the Scenes: Making of a Ford Commercial
-Ford Commercial
-Flo Rida “singing,” by which I truly mean, “pimping his album and tour.” Also, I really thought his name was pronounced Flow-Reeeda, like the state, until, like, this morning.
-Kellie Pickler singing, along with unhilarious antics (Calimari! High Heels!)
-And oh yeah, someone got eliminated.
Adam was clearly safe, despite the show running over and his Idol phone# not being on TV. Kris was on the bubble, but phew! Lives to sing again. Anoop was in the bottom three, as was Scott and Lil. What, Lil?!? Didn’t everyone pick her to win?
Lil is safe, Anoop is safe, but Scott is going home. He does a slightly less awkward, and thankfully, electric guitar-less performance of his song, and the judges debate for about five minutes whether or not to keep him. Clearly, Paula and Kara love him, but in the end, Simon mercifully pulls the plug and cuts him loose. Stay classy, Scott!
Out: Scott
Still in: Adam, Allison Iraheta, Anoop, Danny Gokey, Kris Allen, Lil Rounds, Matt Giraud
MIYO(TM) count: 7
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Week One Elimination: So long, farewell, adios Jorge and Jasmine
The results are in…in a shocking decision, America (/the judges) sent home Jorge and Jasmine last night. Jasmine was out first- would the judges use their Get Out of Jail Free card on her? Nope!
Next up is singing by Kanye (“pitchy”) and Kelly Clarkson (“it was a’ight, dawg”), with Anoop and Jorge sweating it out in the bottom two. Jorge was in the bottom two- would the judges save him? No! Sad face.
Clay gets his three bucks back (a deposit on the five dollars, smart move Clay) for Jasmine’s ouster, as does Joy for Jorge. Shockingly, Anoop and Megan (Vote For The Worst’s pick) slid through to the top 11. Mike V and David C live to Idol another day. Next week, more singing
Next up is singing by Kanye (“pitchy”) and Kelly Clarkson (“it was a’ight, dawg”), with Anoop and Jorge sweating it out in the bottom two. Jorge was in the bottom two- would the judges save him? No! Sad face.
Clay gets his three bucks back (a deposit on the five dollars, smart move Clay) for Jasmine’s ouster, as does Joy for Jorge. Shockingly, Anoop and Megan (Vote For The Worst’s pick) slid through to the top 11. Mike V and David C live to Idol another day. Next week, more singing
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Week One: AI 2009 The Year of the Poseur
Just give it to Adam already, will ya? I mean, he brought it, and then brought it some MORE with Black or White (side note: I kept waiting for him to do the head/morphing movies like from the video).
The theme from tonight was Michael Jackson songs, Now With Less Creepiness! Lil kicked off the night with “The Way You Make Me Feel,” eliciting many “THIS is how to start off a season”s from the judges. However: worst pants ever. Blind Guy Scott played some MJ song I’d never heard of on the piano, and how cute is his little sister jumping up and down and clapping? The cute kid quotient on this show is higher than I’ve ever seen it. Next up: awkward dancing from Danny “Glasses” Gokey with “PYT.” I loved his awkward, white-boy dance moves, as did Randy.
Good Ol’ Oilman Michael sang some schmaltzy slow song, showing his sensitive side (say that three times fast). Simon joked that he only wished he knew what Michael did for a living. Michael didn’t get the joke. He is not long for American Idol. Jasmine sang a Mariah Carey/Michael Jackson song, but looked pretty much like a robot the entire time. I hadn’t seen Kris Allen before tonight, but HEART. He did a guitar’d version of “Remember The Time,” and though Simon thought it was weird, I loved it. I’ll vote for you, cute blonde wife or not!
Allison got newer, shorter, purplier hair. I missed Anoop’s “Beat It,” which by all accounts is a lucky break for me, not so much for Anoop. I guess it sucked? Odds are he is going home tonight. Jorge followed up that trainwreck with some slow ballad-y song. This was a serious lull in an otherwise strong night of performances, especially since Megan came up next. Let me just say: awful. She is probably also going home tonight. She sang “Rockin’ Robin,” and I felt like I was at a carhop. She also shouted “caw caw” at the end of her song. WTH? She’s Vote for the Worst’s pick.
Adam. “Black or White.” Enough said.
Justin Timberlake Giraud sang “Human Nature” on the piano. I had this song stuck in my head all evening afterwards, although I can’t sing it for the life of me this morning. Finally, my girl Alexis Grace! I hope you dialed carefully for her, and didn’t dial “866-IDOLS-13” because that would have been BAD (http://twitter.com/RyanSeacrest/status/1305557317). She did some naughty rock song, the judges had no time for comments because the show was running over, so I hope she makes it!
Word on the street is TWO people are getting voted off tonight, so I guess they both get their five bucks back. My guesses: Anoop/Mike V, Megan/David C.
The theme from tonight was Michael Jackson songs, Now With Less Creepiness! Lil kicked off the night with “The Way You Make Me Feel,” eliciting many “THIS is how to start off a season”s from the judges. However: worst pants ever. Blind Guy Scott played some MJ song I’d never heard of on the piano, and how cute is his little sister jumping up and down and clapping? The cute kid quotient on this show is higher than I’ve ever seen it. Next up: awkward dancing from Danny “Glasses” Gokey with “PYT.” I loved his awkward, white-boy dance moves, as did Randy.
Good Ol’ Oilman Michael sang some schmaltzy slow song, showing his sensitive side (say that three times fast). Simon joked that he only wished he knew what Michael did for a living. Michael didn’t get the joke. He is not long for American Idol. Jasmine sang a Mariah Carey/Michael Jackson song, but looked pretty much like a robot the entire time. I hadn’t seen Kris Allen before tonight, but HEART. He did a guitar’d version of “Remember The Time,” and though Simon thought it was weird, I loved it. I’ll vote for you, cute blonde wife or not!
Allison got newer, shorter, purplier hair. I missed Anoop’s “Beat It,” which by all accounts is a lucky break for me, not so much for Anoop. I guess it sucked? Odds are he is going home tonight. Jorge followed up that trainwreck with some slow ballad-y song. This was a serious lull in an otherwise strong night of performances, especially since Megan came up next. Let me just say: awful. She is probably also going home tonight. She sang “Rockin’ Robin,” and I felt like I was at a carhop. She also shouted “caw caw” at the end of her song. WTH? She’s Vote for the Worst’s pick.
Adam. “Black or White.” Enough said.
Justin Timberlake Giraud sang “Human Nature” on the piano. I had this song stuck in my head all evening afterwards, although I can’t sing it for the life of me this morning. Finally, my girl Alexis Grace! I hope you dialed carefully for her, and didn’t dial “866-IDOLS-13” because that would have been BAD (http://twitter.com/RyanSeacrest/status/1305557317). She did some naughty rock song, the judges had no time for comments because the show was running over, so I hope she makes it!
Word on the street is TWO people are getting voted off tonight, so I guess they both get their five bucks back. My guesses: Anoop/Mike V, Megan/David C.
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