So, tonight’s theme is "Standards Night with the Rat Pack," although we barely even mention the Rat Pack, except that Kris points out they are…ummm…dead. He certainly has a way with words, that Kris. Heart! The Top Five Idols come out on stage, the boys are all sporting jackets and ties (JT, Jr. is, of course, wearing his hat again), and Last Girl Standing Allison is in a formal dress. Kara and Paula are dressed in Old Hollywood glamour- the hair, the makeup, the dresses (Lee commented that Paula is wearing a gift bag, and after further review, I concur). And then there’s Simon…in a black V-neck t-shirt. Oh, Simon.
Kris is up first, unfortunately drawing the Forgettable First Spot. Kris is clearly out to win me over, as he’s singing another of my most favoritest songs EVAR, "The Way You Look Tonight," (again, I have like three versions on my iPod if you need a refresher). In his interview with Jamie Foxx, Jamie tells him he’d love to make an album with him, like right now. He also says "Golly!" which is hilarious, because Jamie Foxx is clearly not a five year old girl, nor an eighty year old man.
As for the singing, it’s not quite up to par with some of the other contestants (sorry, Kris!). Randy says he’s looking to see who’s in it to win it (shoutout Norwood!). Simon says it’s a bit wet, which, what? He then compares Kris to a cocker spaniel. He’s a wet dog? Paula says he’s transformed from the boy next door to a sophisticated gentleman, which is nothing like a wet dog, so...point Paula?
Monday was Allison’s birthday and they surprised her with a party. See, America? She’s a nice, normal teenager. She says she’s too young to have a boyfriend, but oops! She shouldn’t have said that! All together now, how cute! Now freaking vote for her!
She belts out "Someone to Watch Over Me," and everyone, including Jamie Foxx, but excepting Simon, is totally wowed. Randy thought this week would be difficult for her, and she is MAD YOUNG, but she did it in her own Pink-but-with-more-octaves style and Made It Her Own™ (MIYO: 1). Paula had an unbelievably insightful and still coherent comment, telling Allison that her performance had an innocent sensibility that was both alluring and tender. I counted at least four three-syllable words in there. Good job, Paula! Simon again tells Allison that he thinks she’s not in it to win it (Allison disagrees), and that she’s been overshadowed by some of the other personalities. Gee, you think? Could that be…ADAM?
Timberlake Jr. is singing "My Funny Valentine," and I can’t help but think of Chandler and Janice from Friends when this song plays. Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? Matt is still sporting the hat, and is like, totally stoked for this week, man! He studied Jazz in college so he can rock this. Jamie Foxx at first has no suggestions for Matt (not even "lose the hat"??), but then changes his mind and tells him to lower the key. Paula loves this suggestion, but I thought it was too low for him. His opening notes didn’t grab me, and I was totally bored with this until the swell at the end. Simon, on the other hand, thought it was brilliant. Uhh, Simon? Were we watching the same show tonight?
Glasses Gokey is singing "Come Rain or Come Shine." Jamie gets right up in his "grill" during the rehearsal ("Don’t worry, your breath is fresh!") to make him more authentic, or something. Either way, Danny sings the song pretty straight on until the end, when he gets all shouty and bluesy, and it’s the good old Danny we know and like. Randy totally slams Paula’s previous comments to, well, just about everyone, and says to forget trying to forge an emotional connection with the audience- this is a SINGING competition and he can SING. Gee, Randy, I had totally forgotten why we tuned in for three hours a week! So that’s what we’re doing here!
Glambert gets the Pimp Spot, AGAIN. He’s singing "Feelin’ Good," but with, you know, a ROCK edge. Because he is a ROCK STAR and a PERFORMER and doesn’t care that it’s just a SINGING COMPETITION.
Adam must be slipping the lighting tech and camera guys some extra money on the side, because by far and away he gets the best effects on stage: reverse camera shots as he begins to walk down the stairs, blue lights illuminating each stair, spotlights on his guyliner. The band kicks in, in full Broadway mode, as he struts down the stairs to the opening notes. Can we just give him the shiny mirror ball recording contract now? Who on earth can beat him at this point? Not even Kris can Make It His Own™ enough to beat this guy. He is hands down kicking everyone else’s butt here.
Randy can’t get a word in edgewise because the audience is freaking out, but it’s too theatrical for him. Kara calls it "shocking, confusing, superb, sleazy, over the top craziness." You said it, girl. Paula calls it the Olympics and he’s Michael Phelps. Honey, you need your eyes checked.
(not Adam Lambert)
Simon says that he loves Randy saying that Adam is theatrical; because that’s like complaining that a cow moos. Let’s recap. Adam is: Theatrical, Sleazy, Michael Phelps, and a cow.
Going Home: Matt Giraud, if there is any justice in the world. Allison or Kris if there’s not.
MIYO™: 1
SINGING Competition: 1
Oh, Paula! moments: -(2 Coherent Comments) + 1 Gift Bag Dress = -1
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