7:59: I'm here, going to try to live blog. I don't have wireless :( Get your BINGO cards ready. TEAM KRIS!
8:00: Kris vs. Adam- we're being shown mostly clips from last night's performance. Their lives have been changed forever. But only can be an Idol. Who has "Idols dressed in same color" on their card? We're one minute in and already you get a square!
8:01: "Celebrities" in the audience.
8:02: Ryan is going to pay some respect to the judges, starting with his "dawg." We get a several minutes long montage of "for me, for you," from Randy. I love it because VFTW and other websites called him out on it many weeks ago and he's stopped doing it.
8:03: Clips of Kara saying "sweetie" or "honey" to every single person that has auditioned this year. Laugh, laugh. We still all hate you, Kara! ENjoy your last night as a judge.
8:04: Paula has the biggest vocabulary. "Balladeer" "Instinctual" "Consummate professional" "Vibrato's visceral response" "Palette of what you're wearing." And those were just the words that made SENSE.
8:05: Simon saying "What?" His clip is tens of dozens of seconds shorter than everyone else's.
8:06: The Idols are out- Kris and Adam both dressed in white. Don't they do this every year? Someone get that kid a mic that works. Ditto for Adam. This show brings in hundreds of millions of votes, and they can't get any mics that work?
8:07: Remember Mikalah Gordon? You don't either? She was on like five seasons ago, and was sassy! To Simon! And then got kicked off in like a second. She's in Kris' hometown with thousands of screaming girls. Carly Smithson from last year is in San Diego. Didn't Clay ask today where she was? There you go!
8:08: Allison already got the BINGO. DANG! Aww, a full-on Group Sing. All the Idols are dressed in white, Gokey even has matching glasses, JT, Jr. has a hat on. I missed you so much Group Sings! Even Blind Guy Scott is "dancing."
8:10: Allison Iraheta! I missed her! She should be in this thing, too. Anyway, Allison G's Bingo card read: Adam's fan shown, Simon wearing white shirt, Free space, Kris' family shown, and Idols dressed in same colors. Is that Jasmine belting it out? Where was that voice, oh, thirteen weeks ago? There's my girl Alexis! How bittersweet must it be to be in the Top 13 or 12 and not even get to tour? You're barely an Idol.
8:14: My dad is trying to play his Bingo card, and he said, "They haven't shown any celebrities yet." Me: "Yes, they did. Janice Dickinson." Dad: "Doesn't it have to be a real celebrity?"
8:16: David Cook singing his new single. It's more 90's rock band than his last songs, but still pretty haunting- he's got a black armband on in honor of his late brother. It's up on iTunes after the show, benefitting a cancer society.
8:18: He is SO much bigger than Ryan. Ryan is a wee little man compared to him.
8:19: Justin Guarini in da house! What is he doing?
8:20: Ha, the awards. The Golden Idols! Best scream? Gokey! Best Glasses: Gokey! J/K. The first nominee for Outstanding Male is also singing the same version of "Mad World" that Adam later rocks, but in a not-so-male voice. This portion of the finale is always pretty awkward and not so funny when the contestants clearly have some issues. The next guy has a crazy low voice, and Paula tells him to do voiceovers...for movies that have voiceovers in them. And then there's Normund Gentle...kind of a one trick pony, but still a pretty funny guy. He uses the phrase "Sassy Pants," so he's the winner to me. And the winner is....He wins! He wins!
8:23: He takes the stage in a hoodie and jeans. I love this guy...he thanks Whoopie Goldberg, Martin Short, wishe he had prepared something...HIT IT! He rips off his teraway pants to reveal his trademark shiny shirt. He's no Idol but someone get this guy a show!
8:25: You know Seacrest had those glasses and that exact headband in high school.
8:26: DUET! Get your Bingo cards out. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah.
8:27: Queen Latifah is working that skintight Lycra suit. Is this "Free Love Highway"? It's hard to tell; they aren't really in sync with the band from where I sit (downtstairs in my parents' freezing basement). I'd say it had a little more spunk and style than Karaoke. Remember when Lil was a favorite to win?
8:33: Anoop and Alexis dueting with Jason Mraz. These are bold choices for a Mraz duo. Kris wasn't available?
8:35: The journey of Kris Allen. Aww, he's so modest and humble. He is always so shocked when he makes it into the next round. Can you imagine if he won?? The thing I like about Kris, and even to Adam to an extent, is that he doesn't expect to win. He's living in the moment and clearly enjoying every moment of it.
8:37: Kris is singing a duet with Keith Urban, "Kiss a Girl." I totally love this- he could do well in country music or indie rock.
8:40: He's totally holding his own on stage, even with such a seasoned performer like Urban. Is this on iTunes? It's going to be all Allen all the time in my cube, ladies! Watch out!
8:41: The parents agree: this has country hit all over it. You know you're a star when you win over my parents :)
8:44: We have the ladies of Season 8 singing Fergie's "Glamorous." My mom thought they were singing "Glambert." Good call, Mom! Megan/Joy/Corkrey has not improved over the past several weeks. What did we see in her in the first place? She is also barely wearing pants. Better than Alexis, who is wearing vinyl pants.
8:46: And Fergie is with us tonight. She is looking, as Paula says, "tore up." How did she land Josh Duhamel?
8:48: The rest of the Peas join us along with some CREEEEEPY background dancers. And then we're bleeped for a good ten seconds. Did someone say something naughty? Allison Iraheta is a huge fan, she is rocking out behind the judges' table. This is so not in step with Idol is- a "singing competition"- this is not even within Adam's realm. Is it over yet?
8:50: Why is Paula clapping??? Ryan says, "That is why they are number one." Are they? Is this like Jamie Foxx's "hit" "song" that was "number one"?
8:51: The next Golden Idol category is Most Memorable, or something. It's Bikini Girl. Kara starts singing to prove her point. I'm glad I skipped these early episodes. They are painful. Seriously, my ears are bleeding.
8:53: Ryan brings out the envelope, and says, Please God! And lo, it is Bikini Girl. She looks....different. Ryan asks, "What's new?" He asked the same question to Kellie Pickler the same thing last year! She's singing again. My dad pointed out- there is no pole. How will this work?
8:54: Dad asks for some confirmation on the Bingo card- does it count if he cries? We hear another voice behind Bikini Girl, and it's Kara! Wow, she CAN sing. Who knew? Bikini Girl wisely just stands there looking cute. So, in the end, Kara is good for something. AND, she's wearing a bikini under her dress. Okay, she's a sport. She's made up for all those weeks and weeks of stupid comments!
8:56: Ryan says they begged and begged her to do this, and will donate a lot of money to her charity. As Spear says, "I thought she was all sass, nope, shy little naked girl."
Hour 2 Recap
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