I'm a rock star, you're a rock star

So, Rock Night! (Insert high pitched rock scream here). This week we have the Final Four performing “classic” rock songs, as well a duet, under the tutelage of former GNR guitarist Slash. Slash is far less manic about mentoring these contestants than Jamie Foxx- there’s no jumping around, yelling, or “gollys” being bandied about. The contestants are pretty much on their own tonight.

Ryan starts the show by saying they are “very, very live.”How live? No dress rehearsal live. You can read more on Entertainment Weekly’s recap site (http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/05/american-idol-o.html), but there was some serious drama going on before the cameras rolled. On the upside, that means there could be some blunders, which means hilarity for us!

Up first: Glambert, in full Glambert mode. To borrow a line from Stella on Project Runway: Leathah, leathah, leathah! He sings “Whole Lotta Love,” by Led Zeppelin. Alright, I’ll be honest. I’m not a huge “classic rock” fan, so I don’t really know this song. While Val loved it, I thought we had seen the same “I’m a ROCK STAR” performance at least five times this season. Randy and Kara concur; Adam is a ROCK STAR, etc etc etc. We get it; he is a ROCK STAR and should be making a ROCK STAR album, not a Broadway album. Simon snarked that the performance was a bit understated (hee!) but it would be impossible to top it.

Allison and Ryan sit on the Spinny Stools of Doom, which really could be the Spinny Stools of Doom & Death, because they are beneath a precariously perched “American Idol” globe, which has already fallen once this evening and could fall again. Wouldn’t that make AI so much more interesting? At any point in the night, the stage could just open up and eat a contestant- “My heart will go on and ooooonnnnnnn---noooooo!” I’d pay a dollar to see that.

Allison is singing “Cry Baby,” by Janis Joplin. It’s great, she’s totally rockified out in her outfit (also all black, it’s a theme), and does a great job. Randy, however, wanted to see a more melodic rock song. Paula wants to see her in a biopic of Janis Joplin, but I think Jenna Maroney has that all locked up, right 30 Rock fans? Simon basically says she’s singing karaoke tonight, and didn’t sound original enough. He would have chosen Queen for her, when Allison pipes up and says Queen was not an option. They have a little snark attach with each other, and Allison gets pretty feisty with Simon. On one hand, I worry about him slamming her performance to make Adam more of a lock for the finals, but on the other hand, I think he might be trying to draw her out of her shell and make her more of a personality for the viewers. See, she’s a firecracker! She’s a ROCK STAR!

Kris and Danny team up for their Dueling Duet for the night, singing “Renegade” by Styx. I love the harmonization at the beginning before the rock-ness kicks in. From there...it’s just a’ight. They aren’t really working together, and you get the feeling that they know they are battling each other out for a spot in the final three. I would’ve liked to have seen some elbows thrown, maybe a guitar over the head, or you know, something like that. Either way, the judges basically say it was okay, but not great. Simon thinks Danny did better than Kris, and Kris is all “whaaa?”

Kris’ meet & greet with Slash, Slash hands him a guitar and tells him to play with the band for a while. Kris is clearly awestruck. It’s cute. Kris is singing “Come Together,” by the Beatles and it’s a much stronger performance than we saw last year with the Beatles night (Kristy Lee Cook and “Eight Days a Week,” anyone?). I think Kris has bought off Adam’s lighting guy because he has lighting cues all over the place.

Randy knows Kris isn’t really a hard rocker, but he likes that he picked a song where he can be himself, loved the guitar playing. Kara calls him the Sears of Rock (“the softer side”). Paula thought it was risky to do a Beatles song, but how are the Beatles any risk at all? Anyway, she says he Made It His Own™! Simon thought it was like eating ice for lunch. Do you get the feeling that Simon doesn’t really “get” music, the kind of music that regular people listen to? Country, singer/songwriter stuff, umm, the Beatles? Whatever, Kris, you don’t need them! You rock!

Go Go Gokey: Gokey is totally in jeopardy tonight. His song…it’s not pretty, folks. He may be sporting some scruff, aviator-style Lenscrafters, and other rock accessories, but that does not a rocker make. He’s singing “Dream On,” by Aerosmith, and there’s a very “Adam” style screamy note at the end. He doesn’t hit it, not even close (if you read the EW article above, he doesn’t hit it in the short pre-show taping either). He’s not even on the same field or in the same state as that note.

And yet..Randy gives him an A for effort. Class, what did Randy forget? That this is a SINGING COMPETITION. And what was Danny doing tonight? Not singing, that’s for sure! Kara thought he took last week’s swagger too far, and somehow swaggered the note out of range. Simon said it was like a horror movie. Danny snarks back (lots of snark tonight!) that he’ll need to review the tape; it couldn’t have been that bad. It was, Danny. It was.

Last duet of the night is Adam and Allison singing Foghat’s “Slow Ride.” It’s great, they’re cute, the judges love it, they win, etc.

Going Home: Danny or Kris. Danny had the “girl screaming in a horror movie” note, which could hurt him. It hurt me! (ba da bum)
MIYO tally: 1, thanks to Paula. She performs tomorrow night, let’s see if she makes that her own!